Making Room by Gather
Hospitality. What do you think of when you hear that word?
For some it's old school 'stuffy' entertaining for others it's something to do with the hotel industry. One thing is for sure, as a culture we're not talking about it much.
Food * Design * Relationships have seemed to have taken a back seat to what our culture focuses on and values yet...we find ourselves in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Something has to change, it's time to get back to our tables, and we're making room for it!
Making Room by Gather invites you into a new conversation on everyday hospitality. One that rewrites the way we approach opening your doors and filling your tables. Shifting the narrative from 'how does this make me look' to 'how does this make you feel' these buildable conversations aspire to inspire connection through everyday gathering.
Kayty's chic and a little quirky interview style will make you feel like you're sitting with a friend talking about how to grow in confidence as an everyday host. You can expect conversations from navigating challenging relationship dynamics to foundational cooking techniques and everything in between.
Whether you are a seasoned host or looking to develop new friendships and grow in your skills for the first time, there is a seat at the table. Join us weekly for new conversations with expert guests and with Kayty in her beloved Date with Kayt episodes. Continue the conversation @gatheritentionalliving
Making Room by Gather
Rediscovering Human Connection: Carlos Whittaker on Screen Addiction and the Joy of Slowing Down
*Our YouTube channel is live and you can officially watch all episodes on our channel linked below! *
Have you ever wondered what life is like without the constant buzz of screens? Join us as we welcome Carlos Whittaker to Making Room by Gather for a deep exploration into the essence of human connection, away from digital distractions. Carlos, an accomplished author, speaker, and storyteller, shares his journey of fostering community and belonging, drawing from stepping away from screens for seven weeks, living with Benedictine monks, and working on an Amish farm.
You'll hear about the profound impact this digital detox had on his brain and overall well-being, backed by brain scans that reveal just how much screen time can alter our lives. From withdrawal symptoms to the joy of rediscovering life's simple pleasures, we discuss the challenges and rewards of reclaiming our time from screens.
In a world that often rushes past the beauty of the moment, we emphasize the mental health benefits of slowing down and savoring life. Carlos and I share personal anecdotes about getting lost without digital maps, enjoying long communal meals, and embracing solitude. We highlight how modern conveniences have eroded our sense of wonder and meaningful connections, urging listeners to revive these lost arts. Whether it's through spontaneous family adventures or silent days with monks, this episode invites you to embrace curiosity, wonder, and the joy of discovering the unknown.
Purchase Carlos' new book Reconnected, here!
This Episode is Sponsored By:
Feast & Fettle get $25 off your first week of hand crafted, flavor packed meals delivered straight to your door so you can soak up the season with code GATHER at checkout
Watch our Youtube episodes here!
Okay, hey, everyone, welcome back to Making Room. We are so excited to have you here. I cannot believe that we are on the other side of Labor Day, full disbelief. New England decided that it's officially winter. So I am cozied up over here. You'll see me sipping a cup of tea. I have a blanket on in denial, but we're going with it. Today we have Carlos Whitaker and I am so thrilled to bring you this conversation. If you have followed him, like me and my family and close friends, you know that he has been up to a lot of exciting and really intriguing things that we're going to dive into today. So Feast and Fettle, if you have followed them at all. If you are busy parents, they want to come alongside you this season. If you are trying to figure out how to manage your time, get healthy food on the table, head on over to feastandfedalcom for $50 off your first week with code gather, and they want to support you as you parent, love and lead well. Well, without further ado, let's get into this week's episode. To this week's episode.
Speaker 1:Hi, I'm Katie, a hospitality educator and the host of Making Room by Gather podcast. I am set to see our communities get back to the table through hospitality, but it wasn't always this way. My husband and I moved to Thailand and through it I experienced some loneliness, and with it I was given a choice to sit back and accept it or to do something about it. And for me, that meant two things that I needed the healing to learn how to accept an invitation and the confidence to know how to extend one. Through this process, I developed some of the richest and deepest relationships of my life. Through Making Room by Gather, you will hear conversations from myself and experts in the Okay, carlos, let's do this. You are a good host. Okay, carlos, let's do this. Let's do this. I'm talking about our kind of like cold wave in New England, but I heard in Nashville you guys are just coming out of a heat wave?
Speaker 2:Yes, no, I literally set my alarm for 630 this morning because I looked on the weather app last night and it said it was going to be 61 degrees outside and I was like, oh my gosh, we have not felt 61 degrees. So I literally woke up just to walk outside and sit there and drink my coffee.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, but did you love it? Oh my gosh, okay.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, oh, I mean, I loved it, loved it. I hate the heat. Stick me in a hoodie every day the rest of my life and I'm like, I'm like good.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'll switch with you, because no, I'm kidding.
Speaker 2:Well, but listen, but listen. You have to suffer through like actual cold. You know it gets cold here, you know, and people get miserable for like a month. But nothing like New England.
Speaker 1:So I know there is nothing like it. Well, this my audience knows. You know this is new for me and newbie mistake I actually bypassed your bio, and so you know what I would love for you to do. Can you introduce yourself? What do you want people to know about you that maybe are like who is Carlos Whitaker? Who's this guy?
Speaker 2:He's definitely not a hospitality educator. What is this dude Like? Why is he talking to Katie Wright Like what's happening? You know, I'm a, I'm a. That's always the million dollar question when I'm sitting next to someone on an airplane and they're like so what do you do? I never know what to say. I talk to my phone for a living Like what, what, what? You know, what do I say? But I think at the, at the end of the day, I'm an author.
Speaker 2:I write books, that and talk about them and tell stories about those books in different. You know whether I'm looking at my phone talking about it. I'm on that. Like I said, move people towards action, move people towards freedom, move people towards change. And so, yeah, I happen to be in a season where I'm doing that through a book, but sometimes I'm in a season where I'm just speaking on stages or just making YouTube videos or podcasts or whatever it is. And so, yeah, and I'm also a, you know, I'm a husband of 24 years to my beautiful wife, heather. We have three incredible, beautiful children. They're not children anymore, but they're 18, 20 and 21. And yeah, we all live in Nashville, tennessee. We're loving life. It's good. It's good.
Speaker 1:You gave your bio much better than I could have delivered it, so thank you. You know it's so funny. So I have family members that have read your books and follow you and just admire you. But my husband knows you as the guys whose videos make me cry.
Speaker 2:Right, no, totally, totally. There's a whole demographic of husbands that are like oh, it's the crying guys video again.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no. So let me specify. So, when your daughter was getting married, how many months has it been that?
Speaker 2:was May 26th.
Speaker 1:Okay, he would be like, hey, can you just turn the videos?
Speaker 2:off Because he'd walk in and I would just be crying Totally. Well, I'm glad that other people were, because I cried 24-7 for four straight days, and so you know, to know that my tears were at least being sympathized with on the other side of the country is great to know that I would use to describe you for people that maybe know you or are going to start following and I just I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think what you have created is very unique in this space, and so I just want to like affirm that and let our audience know, kind of what you bring to the table. So I would call you a belonging curator, an authenticity modeler, a community enthusiast, and all of those things are things that we aspire for and work towards in making room, and I just think that you do that really beautifully, so I'm excited to have you.
Speaker 2:I'm putting that on my business card. I like those phrases. I didn't even have to pay you for a branding deal, you just pulled it off.
Speaker 1:No, that's just my gift, that's my gift to you.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you. Thank you, I love that. Yeah, belonging curator, I love that.
Speaker 1:Authenticity modeler and community enthusiast, yeah, and so I feel like, though, with this people who live this out well, to love people and cultivate this so well, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, gosh, I think I learned it from maybe having to live through it. I am so passionate about making sure everybody around me feels seen and I'm talking about everybody, right, like even people that drive me crazy Like I want them to feel seen as well, because the reason why they're driving me crazy is probably because they want to be seen. And so when you see that suddenly behavior shift and change, and you know, I think, if I go back to probably my childhood, I think a lot of it has to do with when, you know, I moved from Los Angeles, um, to Atlanta, georgia, when I was, I think, in early elementary school and you know, I I had, uh, I had two Spanish speaking parents, um, one from Mexico, uh, and then my father was a Afro Latino, aino, a black man from Panama, and we moved to Atlanta in the 80s and my dad moved to a nicer neighborhood than we probably could have afforded and not a single kid at my school looked like me, sounded like me, talked like me, and I just felt invisible, as visible as I was. I definitely felt invisible. And so, like I think I just I had to fight for myself for a long time to be seen, um, and I just don't, I don't want anybody to um, and there was a lot of behaviors that came out of that, out of me, because of that and like bad behaviors, and so I just am like man, like I think that is.
Speaker 2:That is the like a human's most core need is just to be seen, and so I think it was birthed out of my childhood. But of course, there's always moments throughout life where some more seasoning gets sprinkled on on top of that and the flavor changes a little bit. But now, like it really is, it's just like I can't help it, like sometimes it's full fault. I just want everybody around can't help it. Like sometimes it's full fault. I just want everybody around me to feel seen. And so I use my platforms and my books, hopefully, and whatever it is, to help people feel that, and I do.
Speaker 1:Wow, I knew there was a story and. I've read little bits through your books. You know that I don't want to give away so that people dive in, but it's powerful. It's powerful to hear kind of like beauty from ashes. It's powerful to hear, I don't know, that we don't have to kind of like idolize, I guess, independence, that right taking time to really see people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, gosh, we just feel like we're you know everyone right now like there's this cruel joke that society is playing on us, that we don't have to, that we don't need community, that we can just be silos and solo and we can just do this on our own. And we can, you know.
Speaker 1:But we're suffering, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Gosh, we are the lonely. It's the loneliest generation ever, like the generations that are alive right now are lonelier than any other generation in the history of humanity. And you know, and we're more connected than we've ever been.
Speaker 1:So totally so yeah, it's not because we're not together, it's because I really think we're not seeing each other. And you model that beautifully, cause I think that's the question. People hear that and they're like okay, cool, but how?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you're like oh wow, these are little nuggets. That's, that's your platform, that's how I see it Little nuggets to see people, so thank you it's good, yeah, of course. Well, there is so much that I could think to talk through, but I really want to hone in on your latest project and book. To kick us off. This is a very interesting niche project.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really Right yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I would love to step back and you could be as honest or as vague, whatever you want to be. What made you think? What was it that you were like no, no, no, this is it Like this specific project and focus.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah no one's asked me that I like that question. I, you know I'd written up to this point one, two, three, four books, five, five books that were, um, all pretty pretty much helping people on like a faith journey per se, you know, or, um, you know, maybe just kind of to be a little better, uh, at at being humans and all of these things. And I never really targeted, like you said, like a niche, like, um, like just a specific pain point, I think, and you know it was. It was, I mean, these last four years of, just, you know, the division and the rage and all the things that people are feeling every single day. Um, I think I I I can't remember when it was, but I think I remembered at one point realizing, every single time I feel legitimate rage inside of me, it's coming from my phone.
Speaker 2:Like there's never rage that comes out of me when I'm sitting across the table from a friend or when I'm having conversation, even with someone I disagree with. Like rage never comes out of me. But why is it rage that's coming out of me when I'm holding my phone? And so I was like, wow, this is really making me angry. Then I got that screen time notification that comes across our screens on Sundays right that we all just ignore?
Speaker 1:Always when we're in church too right.
Speaker 2:It's always when we're in church and it's just like you have averaged this many hours a week on your phone or day on your phone. And it's funny because I got it once. So this was early 2022. I got this notification and it said I'd average seven hours and 23 minutes a day on my phone. And I remember like I always swipe it away, but for some reason I was like I'm going to do the math and the math equaled 49 hours a week, so two entire cycles of the sun I'm spending looking at my phone. So I was like, oh, that's gross, but let me keep doing the math. Then it said that math equals three months a year, three months a year that I'm looking at my phone. And then, if I kept doing the math and I plugged in 85, I was like, if I, by the time I'm 85, I will spend over 10 years of my life looking at my phone. Now, let me tell you something years of my life looking at my phone. Now let me tell you something If Androids or iPhones sent you a notification that said that I promise you, it would be taken differently, right, like if you got something that said, if you live to be 85, you will spend a decade of your life staring at this screen.
Speaker 2:I think there would be drastic changes. But that's not what they do. They tell you just your average daytime. So when I did the math, that's when you know I'm. I'm if you've people followed me long enough, I just kind of, you know, go big or go home, and I was like you know all these people have. Everyone talks about how bad the phone is and how bad it is for us, and there's all these rules on how to not look at your screen and all these books about how bad it was Like, but nobody's actually at least that I know of Nobody's, actually at least that I know of nobody had actually like done it, like nobody had actually not looked at a screen. They've just told us, told us, to not look at screens. So I said you know what I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2:So I spent seven weeks, so almost two months, and I never looked at a scene I never consumed from a single screen. On an Apple watch, an iPhone, a TV, a laptop, an iPad, I did not look at a screen. This Apple Watch, an iPhone, a TV, a laptop, an iPad, I did not look at a screen. This is coming from a guy that makes his living talking to screens. I didn't look at it for seven weeks and I got my brain scanned before and I got my brain scanned after to see the difference.
Speaker 2:And in the middle of it I spent a third of the time living with 20 Benedictine monks. I spent a third of the time living on an Amish farm sheep farming farm in Mount Hope, ohio, with a bunch of Amish farmers, and then I spent a third of it living with my family back here in the real world quote, unquote where I still had no screen, and I ended up writing a book about it and it changed everything. It changed. I think I may end up talking about this one for the next 10 years. There's just so much that came out of these seven weeks I can't couldn't pack it into one book, but anyway. So so now there's the pain point. Everybody feels it, everybody has this, this love hate relationship with their devices, with their screens. But everyone also knows, like we're, they're not going away. So how do we do this? Well, and, and here we are.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness, there is a lot there and I'm sure there's. There's a bunch of questions that probably come up for people, but what did it look like for you? You know, like everyone sends invitations electronically. Did you feel like there was any missing out per se in that respect? Like, what did that look like for you?
Speaker 2:I mean yeah, like, not only miss. I mean I mean yeah, like, not only miss. I mean I, I legitimately didn't look at a screen so like, even if, um, I knew I was missing out on tons, I knew that there was a lot of identity. That was like, um, you know that I didn't know was baked into who I am on my phone and how people get ahold of me and what people think of me, and you know so I there was a lot of FOMO and most of that happened the first four days I was, um, disconnected from my phone and, uh, cause, I legitimately was like coming, it was like coming off of a drug, like I, I was heart palpitations, dizziness, like there was night sweats, like physical manifestations of anxiety were occurring because I was no longer connected to this, looking at these devices, these screens. But then, day five, maybe day four, it went from like, I was stressed out, worried what am I missing? What don't? I know I'm in, I'm no longer in control, right, like, like these, these devices give us this false sense of control and that that control is actually the illusion of control is, I think, is actually the drug that we're addicted to. We're not addicted to phones per se. The phone's not the problem. It's this false idea that we somehow have control because of them. And when I no longer had it, it was like a tailspin. But day four at the monastery, it felt like an elephant stepped off my chest. But day four at the monastery, you felt like a elephant stepped off my chest, like it suddenly.
Speaker 2:The first four days, this book was this experiment, was an experiment about a phone. It no longer after day four, was an experiment about a phone. It became. It became. It went from why a phone is bad to why it's so beautiful on the other side, and that's what every that's what the book ended up being about. When people read the book, it's actually I give you no rules on like, don't look at your phone. This time, Like it's not, it's about this is actually what I fell in love with. Do you remember what it's like to do all these things? And hopefully that's what people are gonna get out of. It is falling back in love with life, the way it was meant to be lived, and we just pick up our phone less.
Speaker 1:Wow, it's so funny, random, but we were camping this last weekend, which all my listeners are probably like, you what? But we were reminiscing around the fire and I remember a second grade project with a teacher called like a no TV week and our parents at the fire were like there's no way that could pass now. Oh yeah, you know, like 20 something years later, there's no way and I mean but you did it.
Speaker 2:I did it. Yeah, there is a way there. And you don't have to do it for seven weeks, right, like I did it for you. So I tell everyone I went and lived with the monks and the Amish. I did it for you. Let me just, let me just tell you what I learned, and then you can start implementing some of these things.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, well, you break down some of your takeaways into a few key categories and I would love to kind of like read you the category and you tell us, like what you want us to know about that part of your experience. If you want to skip to the next one, say next. If you want to stay on one longer, just let me know. But the first one you called savoring. And so what was your? What? Just dive into that for us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we, we. It savoring is that. See, these are all things that we were created to do as humans, that have have literally been. You know they're, they're on the. Some of them are on the endangered list and some of them are on the extinct list. And if you look back, starting starting 60 years ago or so, it depends on which of these things we're talking about that's just something that humans did.
Speaker 2:Innately, we savored things, but now multitasking has become literally the worst thing to ever happen to humans, because when you multitask, you no longer can savor anything. And so when I was with um, when I was with the monks, it was 23 hours, a day of silence. I didn't have a screen, I, I had no, you know, I I talked to the lunch or to the monks at lunch, Uh, and then every once in a while I'd talk to them throughout the day, if I'd bump into them, but for the most part I was silent. And so savoring became something that I was like I'd long for, like I was like, okay, I'm going to savor this. And then, as the days grew more and more, the longer I was there and the closer I got to the end, then, really, I started. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm not going to have this anymore, I'm not going to have the time with the monks, I'm not going to have these long walks, all of these things that I never used to savor. You can savor anything, right Like. Savoring is something that we really need to relearn how to do, and one of the things I talk about in the book is like you can start to savor something before it happens. You can start to think about just the enjoyment of what it's going to be. You can savor something, obviously after it's over, you can just let it keep going, keep thinking back to some of these cool experiences, but in the moment, savoring is always going to be just one thing that you do.
Speaker 2:So you know, for instance, when I was in Italy with my family we're on a road trip I'll never forget stopping at a gas station in the middle of nowhere along this interstate and I stopped for gas and Heather's like, hey, can you go in and get me a coffee? And I was like, yeah, I want one too. So I went inside and I paid for the gas and I ordered a cappuccino and I said, and she was making it. I noticed she was making it in a ceramic mug and I was like, no, can I take it to go? And she's like, excuse me. I was like can I, can I take it, like in my car? And she literally did not understand what I was talking about. And then I looked down kind of the little bar this is in a gas station and there was like six or seven people just sitting there sipping their cappuccinos, sipping their espressos out of their little ceramic mugs, and it hit me like if I don't have three minutes to stop and savor this experience espresso out of a ceramic mug I am definitely moving too fast Like that savor. It's such a principle that it's so simple. So one of the things I do now is like when I go to a coffee shop, I never get my coffee to go ever. I always ask for a ceramic mug. And here's the kicker Most Starbucks actually have ceramic mugs. There. They will make your drink in a ceramic mug and listen, it's going to be five minutes and then it'll get cold. So go ahead and just stop and savor and savoring again.
Speaker 2:You have to practice it. If you start getting used to it, you have to go away from it for a little bit and come back to it and you'll realize what it is. Again, you walk into a bakery. You smell the bread. You're like, oh my gosh, it smells amazing. And then you order the bread and then you're sitting there, you're eating the bread, it smells amazing. But you realize after 10 minutes of being in that bakery someone else will walk in and go. It smells amazing, but guess what? You've stopped smelling it and so you get used to it. So you have to. What do you have to do? You have to walk back out, walk back in and then your senses light up again. So savoring is definitely a principle in the book that I lean really far into. That I got to do with the monks and the Amish and it's something that I still do today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I talked to my community a lot about making the switch from fast food to slow food, and I don't mean McDonald's, I just mean like fast table culture, fast eating and I you know, a lot of Americans go to Europe and they complain about the long meal times.
Speaker 1:It's like no, no, no, but but did you let yourself, like you're saying? I haven't used the word savor, but have you let yourself really savor it? Have you pressed into experience it? Because I guarantee you, once you have, you won't want to go back Once you see the richness once you. Yeah, you won't want to see the richness once you yeah, you won't want to go back.
Speaker 2:You don't and and yes, like it's again. It's one of those things that it tastes so good on the other side of the screen to slow down and savor that. Once you taste that, it overrides the dopamine that your screens are going to give you and the speed that life is good and so, like you want that more. Once you taste the goodness on that side of it, you just are like, oh my gosh, I don't ever want to not savor again. I don't ever want to not taste again. I don't ever want to speed through a meal. Every meal I had with the monks and the Amish was over an hour. The Amish was definitely an hour and a half or longer Breakfast breakfast an hour and a half for breakfast, before we'd hit the fields or go shear the sheep. The average American meal 90 years excuse me, a hundred years ago was 90 minutes long. The average American meal in 2023 was 12 minutes long. So you know it's exactly what you are talking about to your community 12 minutes, that's not a meal.
Speaker 2:You know that's not, and so we've lost so much because we've lost the table. And so, yeah, so savoring, even even at our mealtime as a family. You know, like we, initially it was weird for the kids Initially it was like, oh my gosh, like dad's going to make us sit here, but I'm done eating. Yeah, you're done eating, but you're not done having a meal. The meal isn't just eating, it's the conversation, it's the, you know, and so, yeah, I love it, I love that. That's something that you're about too.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's really good. I kind of have lost sight of that word, but I love that word. I love that word yeah, yeah. Explaining all of that. How about wonder? Wonder is a word I think we've really lost.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as Western adults.
Speaker 2:You know, I think there's two ways to talk about wonder. There's wonder as far as awe and wonder, which we've definitely lost because we're just not in awe of things anymore because everything is so accessible. And I think, even if I think about people that believe in God, even their belief in God has lost a lot of their wonder, the wonder and awe, because everything's packaged in podcasts and you know sermons and whatever. But then also the wondering is gone and that's probably the kicker for me that I realized has disappeared from culture and society, whereas you know, when I grew up in, you know I was in high school in the 90s If I had a question about something in. You know I was in high school in the nineties If I had a question about something so like, for instance, I tell the story where, um, I walked into a I think it was a turtles records and music. It was like a. You know, I'd go buy my CDs there and I remember seeing like a big cutout of Mariah Carey, like her first record that she, you know, and I remember walking and going oh my gosh, this is the most beautiful person I've ever seen and she had, like her long, like flowing hair and I'm like I don't know if it was a sophomore in high school or whatever, but I was like who is she? And I picked up her CD. And then I like, like back in the day you had to like put the demo CD in the CD player and like listen to it. And then, like I was like who is this? And again I didn't have a device to go Google it. So then I walked up to the front and I was like I want to buy this, can you tell me who it is? No, we just got the CD in yesterday. So then I had to go home and I just wondered. I just wondered who is this person? And I wondered for weeks until on MTV, like three weeks later, there was like a 10 minute interview and I was like oh my gosh, and I like watch this interview and I got 10 more minutes of information on who Mariah Carey was. But then I had to keep wondering. And I tell that story because I'm like that is gone. Literally, that is extinct. We no longer the closest thing we get to wondering is saying the words. I wonder. Then the second somebody says the words. I wonder. We pull out the wonder killer or screens and we literally destroy wonder. When I was on these seven weeks, the amount of wondering I did, you know, like I was like man I'll never. It was like day two and I was like I wonder why these monks do pray six times a day for 30 minutes at a time. And I remember reaching into my phone to kill my wonder and I was like, oh, in my pocket to grab my phone and there was no, there was no phone. And I was like, well, I guess I'm just going to have to wonder. And we have.
Speaker 2:I really think that creativity and all sorts of things that come out of the wondering have been DeMoss, the amount of ideas that you know have been bred out of boredom and wondering. You know, like when I was researching for the book, the Frisbee was invented literally by a couple that was on a date and they were bored. And because they were bored and they were just talking and wondering like he, he flipped over a pan or something and threw it and he was like and like. So the Frisbee came out of wondering. You know, like all of these things come out of wondering, but in our companies and in our cultures and in our families we've killed wondering and so I I often think what ideas have been killed because the wondering is no longer there anymore. And so, yeah, I'm like the.
Speaker 2:You know, if anyone says I wonder around me, I'm like immediately when they reach for their phone nope, we're just going to wonder, we're not going to find out the answer. We know too much. It's okay to not know. I spent seven weeks I didn't know what was happening anywhere besides the 200 yards around me. And guess what? Those 200 yards around me provided me with more than enough things to care and be concerned about, and pour into. And so some again I'll just say I wonder if we just even know too much now because our because wondering is no longer there. So I think wondering is something that we were created to do. That has now officially been extinct and people don't wonder anymore. And so you know we're going to have to get it back when we're going to have to do it on purpose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really good. That's really good. I think we've like idolized knowledge so much.
Speaker 2:Well, and the reason why we idolize it is, again, it goes back to us feeling like we're in control. The reason why we idolize it is, again it goes back to us feeling like we're in control. And when knowledge leads to control and then control, a false sense of control, and then when all of that is stripped and taken away, it's actually the biggest breath of fresh air. You know, I've got my kids drive and you know Life 360, especially when I did this experiment a few years ago, all the kids were living at my house. They're all driving. We have Life 360 to make sure if they get in a crash it'll notify us or whatever.
Speaker 2:But little did I know that that app was actually causing me more anxiety than because I knew too much, Like my mom's, like Carlos, like if I knew where you were and how fast you were going all the time, I would have been so stressed out when I was raising. I'm so grateful that didn't exist. So again, and that's just more control, that's more knowledge, and we just weren't created to know as much as we know it's so funny.
Speaker 1:My husband's the best guy, super loyal, super focused and present wherever he is. So when he's at work doesn't look at his phone. So if I don't hear from him, I look at find friends. Yeah, there you go, Listen.
Speaker 2:But then sometimes it shows.
Speaker 1:I'm like in the middle of the ocean. I'm like wait.
Speaker 2:Why is he there? Why is he in the middle of the ocean?
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'll do the same thing with my wife.
Speaker 2:if she's, you know, if she's on a hike somewhere or something, and then there's no cell service, it shows like she's two hours away and I'm like did she get kidnapped, you know like?
Speaker 1:again, it's creating things that maybe we're just not supposed to know.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:You know what's so funny? As you're saying this and it's kind of sad to admit it, my husband would be like elbowing me if he was listening to this. My goal for the year I kid you not was if I said I wonder something. I have to look it up to find the answer.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow, so okay, so cool. So you get to fix that. You get to fix that because finding the answer isn't bad. Okay, and I want people to know like I believe it's great that we can find out the answer so quickly, but sit in the wonder longer.
Speaker 2:So, that's just it, it's. It's not like don't find the answer out anymore, it's just like if you wonder something, can I tell you the amount of incredible ideas that are going to come out of you if you actually stay in wondering for longer than you know, however long we normally do, and then yeah, and then we can go find out. But my, it's so funny because my son, he gets on me all the time. It's been two years since I've done this experiment, um, and if I say I wonder, and sometimes I'll, literally I'll, I'll say god, I wonder what, and I'll pull my phone. He's like, hey, dad, stop, I just want you to wonder, just wonder, don't find the answer. And I I'm like, oh, so, yes, no, it is, it is, it's, it's extinct. But it's one of those things that I think we can get back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oof, I love that one. I think that's going to challenge a lot of us.
Speaker 2:Good.
Speaker 1:Okay, getting lost. I don't love this one. Yes.
Speaker 2:Getting lost. Let me tell you the again when I was at the monastery I couldn't really get lost because I was. It was like I was like on a small, tiny college campus, right, the, the, the Abbey grounds. I you know, I've gone everywhere, I knew my way around. But when I went to the Amish and I had a little e-bike that they let me borrow to ride around and I'm with my little Amish hat and my little vest riding around Amish country, this tattooed black guy that is like going, like I didn't belong. Right, one of these things doesn't belong here. And I'm riding around and Willis would be.
Speaker 2:I'll never forget one time. He's like hey, carlos, I need you to head to the feed store to go pick up this part for my tractor, and you know. And so then, literally in the same breath, he's like so you're going to head down highway 216 and you can take a right at the second stop sign, and then you're going to go past the Miller farm or the Smith farm, then I want you to take a left, and then you're going to go up the hill, down probably about a mile, and then you're going to take the next right. And so he's just telling me this like as if I could just remember Right. And so when he was like, okay, I'm challenged, so I get on my little bike, I make it like one turn and I'm, I'm, I'm gone, like the directions are gone, they're gone from my head. So then I had to stop and there was this Amish lady mowing her grass. I was like, excuse me, kind of waver down and she's like are you over at the miller farm? It's like everyone knew that this dude that looked like me was living around there. I was like, yeah, well, is this right? I'm trying to find the, the feed store. Oh, you missed your turn, so you got to go back that way and then this way. But I made this new friend right when I got lost and then like I'm, I'm going so slow on this, you know, e-bike, that like I'm taking in the beauty of the surroundings around me and I'm getting lost and I'm finding my way, and then I'm asking somebody else and I finally get to the feed store. It's supposed to take 15 minutes, maybe it took me an hour and I get there and I get the part. Now it's almost like a game. I'm like, okay, can I do this backwards? Can I get there and I make it back.
Speaker 2:But that actually showed us that we've killed this intrinsic sense of direction Literally. I think God created us with a sense of being able to find our way somewhere and it's gone Literally. It's another thing that is gone. Siri tells us 900 feet, 700 feet, 400 feet turn here right and we turn, and so we've lost it.
Speaker 2:And there's been studies done by cab drivers in Europe that show that the cab drivers that do not use GPS, their brains are more alive and sparking than cab drivers that use GPS. And so I say it all the time, it's not just with directions to places. I think that we were created to get lost and find our way, and I just feel like there's a lot of people, even in their lives, that can't find their way anymore because they're relying on external factors to tell them where it is to go. They're relying on other people's opinions to tell them when I'm like. No, it's in us, we can find our way.
Speaker 2:So, whether that's with a map or whether that's with life lessons in general, I think that that's something that has also been lost. So, since this experiment, I legitimately have no longer used Apple Maps, google Maps, to go anywhere. So if I'm going somewhere I don't know where to go, I look it up before I leave on my computer and I write it on a napkin or wherever it is, and I just take it with me and I slowly find my way. And guess what? I may end up in eight more minutes of traffic, because maps didn't tell me that to avoid this eight minutes Are you kidding? Like we are now killing brain cells for to save eight minutes in traffic. And so yeah, so I that's something that I have implemented in my life as well, and guess what? I've gotten lost all of these things, but it's, it's been way better because it's just more human.
Speaker 1:That's incredible, yeah, wow.
Speaker 2:Again, I don't. I don't mean for this whole, this whole interview to just be like this convicting thing, but again I want people to to remember and realize how good it is on the other side. It tastes so good to get lost and find your way. It tastes so good to savor, and when you start doing these things you are going to realize oh, I've been missing a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think, if anything, people are hearing this and they're like oh wow, that speaks to this pain point that I've had. It's like the picking and choosing. So I think there's something in this for everyone and I think that's really good. I remember when we lived in Asia for a while, we had no choice but to get lost. We had no idea. We couldn't even read at the beginning.
Speaker 1:We were lost all the time, and that's when we found the best restaurants, the best alleys, the hidden, hidden wonders. You know all of those things. So I have not been as good at that since we've moved back, but I could see it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, give it a shot, give it a shot. I tell people in the book I say one drive a week, no maps. Just start, one drive a week, no maps. Look it up before you go and just slowly make your way there.
Speaker 1:I ran into a mom. I was trying to think, as you were talking, where I met her and she said I think it was every summer. She had one child and it was called their get lost trip. And the kid would say go North or go South, go left or go right, and she would put a time limit on it and at a certain point they would find a hotel, but they would get lost together. And my first reaction was like stress. I was like where are you going to end up?
Speaker 1:But it's been like I don't know, like a core memory, a core like I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well that reminds me I'm actually glad that you mentioned that because I need to bring this into more of these conversations I'm having now, because when my, when our kids were so we homeschooled our kids and when they were like eight, 10 and 12, my wife would do this thing I forgot she did it where she would get a jar and she'd get dice and the kids would like roll the dice. And if it landed on like 37, it's like, okay, we're going to drive 37 miles, then they would pull out of the jar north, south, east or west and then south and we'd go 37 miles south. Then it was like three questions or no. It was like either food, fun or something else, that when we get there we were either going to have fun and so we would do this this was something that we would do as a family and yeah, so we would basically get lost and just kind of go with the flow. Wow.
Speaker 1:I love that and, as I'm hearing that there has to be a level of trust that we don't have in our culture right now, I feel like we've lost. We've lost like trust of new places, new cities, new cultures, right oh yeah, I mean, you know the.
Speaker 2:I was on a another podcast.
Speaker 2:It's called a thousand hours outside and, um, they were talking about how, how a kid spends, I think, six to eight minutes a day outside, but they spend like four to six hours a day on a screen and literally six to eight minutes like a playtime outside, right, not walking the car, but like a playtime. And I put that somewhere I can't remember it was somewhere and I put it online like that, and a few people said, yeah, but it's so dangerous outside now, you know, and and so I was like, oh my gosh, like we literally have been tricked to believe that we can't even let our kids play outside because of some danger that is lurking in our streets and our you know. And so again, I, yes, be smart, we have more opportunities to, and we have, but I just think we have more access to information that probably it was the same data and information back then that there just didn't have access to, and so I don't know, I just would rather live life as opposed to you know, um, what is the brave heart thing? He says many, every man will die, not every man will truly live, you know, and I'm like let's get out there and go, you know.
Speaker 1:So, so, really good. There's a lot of truth on the other side of fear. Right, yeah, there is okay, we are getting to the end. But how about solitude? Solitude and slowing down? You can take those separate, lump them together, however you want to dive into them yeah, well, solitude again.
Speaker 2:Um, girl, the first generation to have the ability to not have solitude every day. So so up until I think I read that the car radio was first put into cars on a regular basis in the 1930s and up until then every single person, no matter what, every single day, had to have solitude. It was something that was built into our lives, but since the radio was put in, suddenly like solitude becomes, became less and less. It was definitely more in the 1930s than it is now, but now it's gone, I mean, it is completely eradicated. And so seven weeks, especially at the monastery, 23 hours a day, can I tell you the solitude that I had? And I was scared of it, obviously, at the beginning, but then I ended up, especially when I got to the Amish, because the monks in the Amish, it was like moving from a cave to Manhattan. The Amish went hard, like they were like visiting and meals and go, go, go, go go, and I missed the solitude that I had at the monastery, and so that's something that I think we need to re-implement back into our lives. Solitude is not the same as loneliness, right? So like you can be, you can even, you can even be around people and still find solitude, and I think solitude is important for us to seek after because it slows us down.
Speaker 2:I have a whole chapter on Godspeed how the average human being walks at three miles an hour and so what I did was I was like, well, that's how fast God created us to move. What else in my life can I slow down to three miles an hour? What else in my life can I slow down to three miles an hour? What else in my life can I walk at Godspeed in? And so, yeah, you know, we're everything's just getting faster and faster and faster. People are saying, oh, my gosh, life is flying by and I'm like no life is moving. The same like 24 hours is still 24. We're actually flying by life. So what can we actually do to slow down? Like that's something that people don't ask anymore. It's like we're always asking how can we do things faster? I'm thinking, man, maybe the way to catch back up with life is by slowing down. So what are things that we can pull away? So, yeah, even that Godspeed, three miles an hour, solitude those are all things that I unpack in the book that I do feel like are not only necessary, but they're impacting our mental health because the speed that we're moving all these things. And listen, I'm about to go on book tour. I'm going to be home six days in September, four days in October. I'm going hard. But here's the cool thing and hopefully I'll be able to show this on Instagram is that I can still apply all of these practices in my life, while I'm traveling, while I'm working, while I'm Instagramming.
Speaker 2:Again, people are like well, how can you write a book about screens when you're on Instagram? Because the book isn't about how bad screens are. The book is about how beautiful it is. On the other side, you start implementing those things and you pick up your screen less. I'm on my phone three hours a day now. I used to be seven and a half hours a day. I've literally gained half of my life back. So you know what my challenge for your listeners is. How can you? Um, again, 49 hours a week is the average. Cause I'm average for an American, I'm. I'm literally my. Seven and a half hours a week is average. Excuse me, a day is average. That's 49 hours a week. Can you get 10 hours back of your life of living by cutting that off of your screen time?
Speaker 1:Goodness. Yeah, there is a lot there, a lot of thoughts, but I am looking at the time we are chatting, having a great conversation. I want to respect your time, the listener's time too, but I don't want to leave this out. So I know that brain health is something that you're passionate about, especially with the scans of this experience. What do you refer to as an experiment or experience?
Speaker 2:Oh well, it's definitely more an experience, but in the book it's called an experiment, even though it's not a scientific experiment, because I was the only data point right. So it's not like there was a hundred of us, it was just me. So who knows if it was? You know, dr Amen, when he scanned my brain at the end and we saw a difference in my brain, he's like who knows if this was praying with the monks six times a day, working in the fields with the Amish, or not, looking at your screen. All we know is whatever you did in your seven weeks healed your brain, and so you know I'm like well, more of that and less of how I was living before.
Speaker 1:Wow, so much respect for Dr Eamon. I didn't know that he was the one that did the scans, but I love his work.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, and my, my um my brain scans are released on his show scan my brain, Um. Both of them will be on his YouTube channel so people can watch them.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, wow, oh, my goodness, okay. Well, for people that are maybe at the very beginning of learning about brain health, I'll say I am kind of like your typical crunchy mama who loves all the natural things, but I am at the very beginning of learning about brain health. I think a lot of our listeners probably are too. What would you say is a great starting point, kind of like brain health 101.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that for me so I have a father with dementia and brain health is just a big thing for me. And so the beginning for me was going to Dr Amen and scanning my brain, getting the spec scan, and asking him the questions like, okay, so what can I do to make sure I can not be living the way my father is living at 82 years old, like, how can I? You know and I think for me definitely like Dr Amen's books Okay, he's a big part of my book, but his books have been transformative to brain health for me. But what? Probably the biggest thing that I've realized from all my studies, even what he said is that it is 1000% what you put in your mouth, like, like, like. It is 1000% what you put in your mouth, like, like, like, it is 1000% what you put in your mouth. You want a better brain. You have to change how you eat, and so you know, I've, I've done a big shift in my diet the last few years, um, and I've seen, I've seen a change, my clarity, all of these things, and so I'm actually going to get another spec scan, uh, for Dr Amen, um, because I want to see what it looks like two years after, after I've changed my habits, but I'm still now.
Speaker 2:I'm back on my phone, all these things, and so, yeah, you know I'd read his books, listen to his podcasts and start studying. You know he's got a book. I can't remember what it's called. He's got a book about, is it?
Speaker 1:something happy Something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but he's got a book specifically about eating, like diet and your brain and um, that just, I mean it just, uh, it's, it's what you put in your mouth. You, you start looking at all the data coming out on dementia and more and more and more it's it's what you eat and so, um, so, yeah, you know it's good that you're crunchy. So you know, you know, keep, keep putting the crunchy stuff into your in your mouth.
Speaker 1:That Keep putting the crunchy stuff in your mouth. That's so funny. I just did a quick Google search.
Speaker 2:I wonder Well, see, this is where it would be good. Hey, I know.
Speaker 1:But no, he has so many books.
Speaker 2:I can't quickly see which one is the-, but there's one about eating. Yeah, okay, you can put it in your show notes or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, perfect, that sounds great. Last question for you, last main question. So you obviously are a big thinker, visionary, dreamer. You are on the cusp of developing your documentary to support this book, which we are very excited about. You're welcome to chat about that. But I'm curious if you could create, develop, if the sky was the limit, there were no obstacles. You look towards the future. What would your biggest aspiration be? I guess what's next for Carlos Whitaker.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, Katie, what a question.
Speaker 1:And if it's the documentary, that's fine too.
Speaker 2:No, it's definitely not. I mean, that's been fun to create. That's been fun too. I've written a lot of books and launched a lot of books. I've never made a movie and launched, so there's a big learning curve.
Speaker 2:I'm a very curious person. I'm a learner. I'm going to be a lifelong learner. Every year I choose something else new to learn and be bad at, and and figure out how to do, and so, um, but I do feel like in the next, especially in the next, decade of my life, I just turned 50.
Speaker 2:And so like, like, I'm like, okay, like my fifties, you know, according to data, are going to be the most influential years of my life.
Speaker 2:They just kind of get more influential and influential, and so I'm like I just want to make sure that I'm influencing people. Um, you know, I'm wearing this shirt right now that says don't stand on issues, walk with people. I just feel like if I could create something that helps the uh, the silent majority of people that actually believe this right, because there's most people that say anything out loud on the internet are going to be the loudest edges of the extremes, but I'm trying to help people realize no, listen, like most of us are actually in this for the same thing. If I could create some sort of event, some sort of product that really helps people move back towards this place, I just think the world's going to be a better place. And so, yeah, I've got dreams and ideas in 2025 of some gatherings that I'm going to have at a few different places and creating what those are going to look like. I'm freaking pumped, so I'm excited about kind of turning a corner in what I do to maybe provide some in-person things for some people.
Speaker 1:Goodness. Well, we are excited with you. Three flash questions to end the conversation, and then we'll send people to your book. The first one we ask all of our guests these questions what is something you have eaten and recently and loved?
Speaker 2:oh, um. I'm going to say my wife made these um tacos called pasole and she and she made them in like a little bit she's made them before. She made them in a little different way to like I love, like a wet corn tortilla taco that falls apart because it's soaking wet with stuff like that. So anyway, she made a brand new version of her homemade pozole and it was chef's kiss, it's beautiful.
Speaker 2:So good, so good, a gathering you attended that made you feel a strong sense of belonging and, if you could pinpoint it, what it was that made you feel that way? Oh wow. Okay, so you can listen to a podcast on this, okay, so, again, I have my don't stand on issues walk with people shirt on, because I try to walk with people of differing perspectives and in the last three weeks, I did two things that made me feel the same at both places. Okay, weeks, I did two things that made me feel the same at both places. Okay, I went to the DNC in in Chicago, and the next week I went to a Trump rally. And so this is what I did I went to both places and can I tell you, the belong, the sense of belonging that people had in both spaces were the exact. I, like you, could feel the same palpable energy in both spaces, and there's a reason why people gather in those places, because those are things that people want to experience.
Speaker 2:Now, both of them were inspiring, but both of them also made me very sad, right, because I'm like, I'm the guy that also is like politics isn't going to fix us. But I did that up for a reason and I did that on purpose, because I wanted to feel exactly what you are asking and I just feel like, if we can, this is why I'm thinking about this gathering. That's not a political gathering, it's a gathering of people that don't want to stand on issues but walk with people. Both of those things actually inspired me to dig even deeper into how can I create a space where people from both sides of the aisle, people that are Christians, non-christians, atheists come together, because we actually all have 17 of the 20 things that we're passionate and we believe about are actually the same thing. There's three things that we may differ with, but anyway, there's probably a lot longer answer to the question that you wanted, but that was actually really. It was really moving for me to go to attend those things, things I don't know that.
Speaker 1:I've heard anyone else that has gone to both. I've definitely heard of people that have gone to the dnc or the republican or the rnc. Rnc, yeah, yeah, um, but not both, and so I wasn't invited to the rnc.
Speaker 2:Um, I was invited to the dnc, which is why I went. I bought a last second ticket, um, but then I was like well, I want to taste this from people that don't believe what people in this room were, and so I I kind of want to, and honestly, honestly, when I was there, like it was, it felt this everyone was excited and pumped about their thing, you know, and so that was. It was pretty inspiring, wow.
Speaker 1:Okay and last but not least, um, what is one thing you've discovered recently that you think everyone should know about Amazon? Purchase Netflix show.
Speaker 2:Yes, please don't cancel me when I show you this. It's sitting right here. This is the bug assault.
Speaker 1:The bug assault.
Speaker 2:And so we have had so many freaking flies in our house that I bought this fly shotgun that you put salt in and that's how I kill my flies. Now People use fly swatters but for some reason, because this is a weapon, they may get triggered. But I love my little bug assault.
Speaker 1:I've been going crazy all over the house with it, you and Colby would be fast.
Speaker 2:Friends, colby has that, does he really? Yeah, yeah, it's awesome.
Speaker 1:Just so people know watching it shoots salt at the bugs and it's very accurate.
Speaker 2:And a fly. So literally, it's so accurate. You could be 10 feet away and you could like wax that fly in no time. So it's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it. Well, this has been so rich. We could have stayed here so much longer, but where do you want to send people to keep following along?
Speaker 2:Yes. So Instagram is kind of where I hang out at Loswhit L-O-S-W-H-I-T. Come on over, hang out with us. It's a safe place that you can come with varying opinions and ideas and we're one big happy, messy family there. And then for the book, if you go to reconnectedbookcom, there's a couple of things that even after the book is out you can. Oh, look, you got it right there. You can continue to. You can still get 10 minutes of the documentary and a couple of the journaling guide a couple of the things you can get at that website.
Speaker 1:So good, we'll tag this on the show notes, guys, thanks so much for hanging out and we will see you next week.