Making Room by Gather
Hospitality. What do you think of when you hear that word?
For some it's old school 'stuffy' entertaining for others it's something to do with the hotel industry. One thing is for sure, as a culture we're not talking about it much.
Food * Design * Relationships have seemed to have taken a back seat to what our culture focuses on and values yet...we find ourselves in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Something has to change, it's time to get back to our tables, and we're making room for it!
Making Room by Gather invites you into a new conversation on everyday hospitality. One that rewrites the way we approach opening your doors and filling your tables. Shifting the narrative from 'how does this make me look' to 'how does this make you feel' these buildable conversations aspire to inspire connection through everyday gathering.
Kayty's chic and a little quirky interview style will make you feel like you're sitting with a friend talking about how to grow in confidence as an everyday host. You can expect conversations from navigating challenging relationship dynamics to foundational cooking techniques and everything in between.
Whether you are a seasoned host or looking to develop new friendships and grow in your skills for the first time, there is a seat at the table. Join us weekly for new conversations with expert guests and with Kayty in her beloved Date with Kayt episodes. Continue the conversation @gatheritentionalliving
Making Room by Gather
Date With Kayt: I Know You Want to Cancel, but Please Go!
A few weeks ago, I posted a quick post- "Whatever you do, please don't cancel your plans."
This messaging about the temptation to cancel plans and wait until we feel totally 'on' to participate in community resonated with many of you. I knew I was not alone.
So, I took the conversation to the show to talk about my own tendency to easily cancel, and how saying yes even when I want to just stay home changed the way I see the purpose of community. Through this episode we'll touch on:
• Exploring the tendency to cancel plans when feeling vulnerable
• The significance of showing up as you are, all of it!
• How staying home is actually not the safer option
• The truth about loneliness in our lives, and the empowering truth on the other side
This year can come with a new story for you, for us. For friendship, for community, for our hearts and families. Tune in to this episode, I bet there's something in here that may be just what you need to hear.
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Participate in our listener poll for 15 minutes by sending us a quick message @gatherintentionalliving or email Kayty@gatherintentionalliving.com- open to the first 10 of you to reach out! So excited to chat!
Looking to take one of our food styling workshops referenced in this workshop? Find them here!
This Episode is Sponsored By:
Feast & Fettle get $25 off your first week of hand crafted, flavor packed meals delivered straight to your door so you can soak up the season with code GATHER25 at checkout
Watch our Youtube episodes here!
Hey everyone. Wow. Well, the holidays are behind us and I realized that I never came on to give you a formal Merry Christmas, happy Holidays, and so consider this my holiday wish and a Happy New Year. Something about wishing someone a Merry Christmas. I always feel like I have to break out and like in sync, like Merry Christmas, merry Christmas, happy Holidays. So you are welcome for that. I feel like I had to get it out of my system one last time.
Speaker 1:Well, this is a date with Kate, and we haven't done one of these in a while, and there have been a few things that I've just I don't know I've been thinking about and I want to chat with you about, and also a few Instagram posts that you guys have loved that I wanted to dive into a little bit further. But first let's talk about Feast and Fettle. I have chatted about them a bunch. If you've listened to the last few months on the show and here's the deal, guys, if you follow me at all, you know that I only give recommendations to things that my family has personally vetted, that I fully stand behind. This is actually a great time for us to talk about them a little bit more transparently. They have gifted us two weeks of their meal delivery service, two full weeks of meals and I wouldn't lie to you about food stuff because I take it too seriously Every single bite has been Colby and I look at each other and say, wow, this is the best meal delivery service that we've had. It feels like someone made this at home and delivered it to us. It feels home, new year goal setting and like all just strategizing and resetting for the new year. This is one of the best ways to set yourself up for success. So, whether you just need a meal delivered for one week because that particular week is busy, or you want it to be a regular habit of your household, head on over to feastandfettlecom F-E-T-T-L-E and use code gather25 for $25 off your first week, and it's just, it's the coolest. Whatever you need that week, you can customize the box fully gluten-free, dairy-free, free, all the things, all the things.
Speaker 1:Well, I guess let's kick us off with the show intro, in case this is your first time here. Hi, I'm Katie, a hospitality educator and the host of Making Room by Gather podcast. I am set to see our communities get back to the table through hospitality, but it wasn't always this way. My husband and I moved to Thailand and through it I experienced some loneliness and with it I was given a choice to sit back and accept it or to do something about it. And for me, that meant two things that I needed the healing to learn how to accept an invitation and the confidence to know how to extend one. Through this process, I developed some of the richest and deepest relationships of my life.
Speaker 1:Through Making Room by Gather, you will hear conversations from myself and experts in the areas of food, design and relationships. You see there are countless things trying to keep us from the table, but can I tell you something? Take a seat because you are ready, you are capable, you are a good host man. I don't know why I don't do these more. This is a lot of fun. I feel like I'm hanging out with you guys more casually. So if you don't already follow us on Instagram at gather intentional living, there might be some changes to the username in the coming year, but that's where you can find us for now.
Speaker 1:There was a post that I wrote that said I know you don't want to go to whatever the plan is, I get it Cause I've been there. The plan is I get it because I've been there, but please don't cancel, please don't cancel your plans. And the reason I posted this, there was actually a few reasons. One of them was there was a gathering that I was getting ready to go to and I was telling Colby, my husband, if you don't know, that I just am not up for going. And it wasn't like there wasn't any like very significant, very obvious reason I was feeling emotionally drained, I was feeling very tired, worn out, whatever. And he was like Kate, you've said this before with this very same gathering. And when you came back, it actually was a few times. Every time you come back, you always say I'm so glad I went, I'm so glad I went, I'm so glad I went. And he, after him telling me this a few times, I was like, wow, okay. First of all, there's a pattern happening here that when I don't feel perfectly put together, when I don't feel perfectly kind of like emotionally sharp or to, we could be honest with myself and, you know, with ourselves, if you don't feel perfectly put together and like presentable or all of those things that I didn't want to go, that I don't want to go to any kind of like social plan. Then, on the other side of this and if anyone listening was a part of this situation, please know that there are no hard feelings. It just was kind of like an eye opener for me.
Speaker 1:I was hosting something at my house and I just kind of like threw a wide net. I invited just like a lot of people, different people from different walks of life, to this event, different people from different walks of life to this event, and people had RSVP'd and the day of it was a significant number. It was like seven people or something, and that's a lot right. It wasn't just like one or two. I got these texts one after another and these people are not related. They're not, they don't know each other, and so it's not like it was like this strategy.
Speaker 1:But they texted and said, hey, I'm emotionally exhausted, I can't come. Hey, I'm super tired, I can't come. Hey, work's been hard, I can't come. Um, and someone said, hey, I just don't feel like being around new people and listen. I feel like it's hard to have these conversations because there's not like a one size fits all. Obviously, there are times where it is super important to rest and to recharge. I just have to look and make sure we were recording, because that would be something that I would do today. Obviously, there are those times, but I think what happens is where we have to be careful is when we only show up for community when we are feeling perfect isn't the right word but like totally on, when we can totally regulate our current emotional state, when we could perfectly censor our words and we could show up perfectly presentable. That's when it starts to get a little bit relationally dangerous.
Speaker 1:Now I want to tell you something that happened. So one of my friends said it's been a whatever she said. I don't want to disclose her life, but basically it's been a really hard season. I really think I'm going to stay home Now this friend I knew in particular. I said I know it's been hard, but can you, can you please, please, please still come, because I'll be honest with you, it's been a hard season for me too. Like we just really need each other, and it took a little persuading. I said we both need a little bit of fun in this season. We both need a little bit of connection. Let's do this.
Speaker 1:So she came. She was the only one kind of like in that season that was able to persuade to still come. And oh, my goodness, okay. So like if you have never been in a community setting where there has been like vulnerability, when you go first in your story, when you go first in what you're currently experiencing in life, it is so profound. It is so profound and on the other side of it is that richness and depth of community that so many of us are longing for. So let me tell you what happened.
Speaker 1:So she came and I forgot how it started. However it started, we started talking about what was going on with her and a few other people were there at that point, and this depth of conversation started this like oh my gosh, I have totally been there too. Here's what helps me. Or just the listening. And then there were like tears shared together and laughs together, and the night ended with this connection that everyone that was there was so grateful for because it was so rich. It was more than just like how's the weather and like how are the kids, more than just that surface level, and I was thinking about it. I was like man, if she stayed home, she would have just been stuck in a cycle of, um, that isolation and spiral that so many of us know with, like the social anxiety spiral or the whatever the name of it is for you the depression spiral, the perfectionism spiral she would have been kept there and we would have been kept from that level of connection. That was so valuable to all of us that were I'll call it a party like at the party, and so it was so valuable to all of us that were I'll call it a party like at the party, and so it was so important for both of us that she still came.
Speaker 1:And when I look at the situations where I have been honestly like socially anxious, emotionally tired, and I'm like I just want to cancel the times that I've gone, it really is so true Colby is so right that when I go, I come home so grateful that I went nine times out of 10. It's not like a one size fits all like we're talking about, but the reality is that when you and I show up when we don't want to, sometimes all it is is that we get a laugh that we've been needing to let out, like we get a laugh that we've needed to laugh. Or someone asks a question and sparks a good cry that we've needed to cry, or maybe there's a word of encouragement that you have for someone that they needed. Maybe it's about them, maybe it's about you, but I think what I'm finding is we are in a time in culture where there's a lot going on. There's a lot of different social narratives that are said. There's a lot of hard things that are going on in life.
Speaker 1:Whatever state you find yourself in, I feel like culture right now is just screaming. It is safer for you to cancel. You should just stay home and we find ourselves lonely and we ask ourselves why. Why are we lonely? I'm surrounded by people and so often it's because we are just giving into this belief system too frequently that you need to wait until you are.
Speaker 1:The Thai people have this phrase. It means like perfectly presentable, perfectly put together, um it we and it fits. It's like a great expression for this. We believe that we need to be perfectly polished in order to show up and have intentional community, when actually it's the opposite. I think that it is time for so many of us to believe that. You know, if we find ourselves in cycles of loneliness, cycles of isolation, longing for connection, it often on the other side of that is the invitation to show up vulnerably. On the other side of that is the invitation to show up vulnerably. And you know this past season, colby and I realized, wow, we really have a very robust community right now and I'm not super deep and intimate in relationship with all of them, meaning like vulnerable, like they don't know every not everyone knows everything about me. That's not what I mean, but we have people. Each person has a different. Each relationship serves a different purpose.
Speaker 1:In our life there's different depths of relationship, but one way or another there's what am I trying to say? We have a widespread big community and as I look back, I'm like, wow, how did we get here? Wow, guys, that was like totally mom brain in full effect. But how did we get here? And I look back and there are times where I can almost like cringe in relationship because I'm like, wow, I showed up in a pretty deep depression for a few years in this relationship. Or wow, this person has seen me make some not so great business decisions but I still showed up in that relationship and they're still here. Or wow, this person has, like I don't know, seen me crying or seen me laughing, or has seen me a little bit like cheesy and corny. Like I think what I am trying to like conclude here is we showed up the last few years in a way that I didn't know to show up growing up, and that has led to a lot of authentic relationships. People have seen me in like my best, my worst, my messiest, my corniest, and it has led to a robust community.
Speaker 1:And that is available to all of us if we don't cancel and if we believe that we can show up in whatever we have to offer that day, whatever we're experiencing that day, and that's important for us and the people on the other side. And so here's the deal If you are someone like me who easily cancels plans, the way to get past this, the way to get to the community on the other side, is to practice it like a muscle. And so if you have a husband or a significant other, you could say hey, can you hold me accountable when I'm telling you that I'm canceling plans? Can you push me to go? Oh, just got a phone call so I had to pause that for a second. Oh, just got a phone call so I had to pause that for a second, so can you push me to go. Or if you have a friend that you text often or daily and you're like, hey, I really want to get better about community.
Speaker 1:When I tell you like allude to the fact that maybe I'm going to cancel plans, can you hold me accountable? I just feel like there's something here for us, and the power of this message is this could apply to someone who's like 18, that has a lot of homework and sports and wants to cancel and is experiencing community for the first time, or someone that's 65. This applies to all of us, because we are living in a loneliness epidemic that I think is largely because of the narratives that are fed to us, and so I'm here to tell you today this is kind of like a short and a sweet but first of all, that you do not have to be perfectly emotionally on or polished to engage in community. In fact, community should be the opposite. It should be raw, it should be authentic, it should be the everyday, and so when we're talking about everyday hospitality, everyday community, it means exactly that. It means whatever you bring to the table that day, and the beauty about what happened at my house with that one friend of mine that came is she has been the comfort and the safe place and the landing for me when I've been a little bit torn up and was able to be that for her. And so it goes, and that that is authentic community. That is every day.
Speaker 1:So if you are feeling, starting the year, feeling a little bit lonely, feeling a little bit disconnected, my encouragement to you would be to give yourself the permission to show up however you are, to show up, practice showing up more authentically, more in the moment, and to get that accountability to not cancel plans, because I am not saying this from a position of like talking down on you or anything like that, because I had a friendship that ended, unfortunately, quite a few years ago and it's before I did all this heart work and community work and it was messy, it was very messy, and I remember in the conversation I was like I feel like you always cancel plans and she was like, well, I feel like you always cancel plans and I think the reality was we both did and we both canceled too much, and that's not a friendship and we just need to be aware of that, aware of our, our reasoning and our commitment levels, because a lot of us, I think, are lonely because of self-inflicted isolation. But there's an option on the other side. So that is a little bit of a short and sweet date with Kate, because I want to talk to you about something. So, going into this new year, you might know that we a few years launched Hospitality Academy and as it stands today, it is a prerecorded workshop database for how to style beautiful seasonal charcuteries, cake decorating workshops. You could take those anytime Gatherintentionallivingcom, head on over to Hospitality Academy and you could purchase those. But I am very interested in revamping it this year to focus on more of the heart and the home. So not just equipping you to food style, but equipping you to cultivate community, to equipping you to feel confident in your hospitality. I'm talking not just the food but the relationship side of it, the menu planning, the heart work, all of the stuff that together creates holistic hospitality, holistic community, and that is more what I think so many of us crave and so many of us need. So here's the deal Before we kick off, I am looking to have conversations with 10 of you.
Speaker 1:I want to schedule a 15-minute conversation with 10 of you to hear more of your heart, more of areas that you think are areas of you need growth, areas that currently you consider your strengths and what might be helpful if you were to participate in something that were to launch you well into confidence in this area. So here is the deal. It's going to be available to the first 10 of you. We're going to catch a 15-minute conversation when when Wesley is not babbling in the background and I have time to chat, just you and I. And then, on the other side of this, stay tuned, listen to some future Date with Kate's Dates with Kate, when I launch what's coming next, because I'm excited about it. I'm very excited about it and you should be too. So head on over to our Instagram at gatherintentionalliving and send me a DM or email, kayty at gatherintentionallivingcom, and we will schedule you for this, because I'm very excited about it and I think you will be too. So, 10 of you, hop on a 15 minute call with me just for me to ask you some questions, hear your heart a little bit, get to know you a little bit better, and then we will. I don't want to disclose too much, but something's coming, something's coming.
Speaker 1:Okay, I am going to answer the three questions that I ask all of my guests because I think that'd be fun. So the first question is something I've eaten recently and loved Every Christmas Eve since Colby and I first got married. We eat arancini, which is an Italian rice ball, and I first had them on our honeymoon in Italy and yeah, we make them every Christmas Eve. They are street food in Italy, but we make them a little bit more formal when we eat them and I made them with gluten-free breadcrumbs and I did regular cheese and I'm paying for it, but they were pretty dang good. So that's something I've eaten recently and loved, um something. What's the second question? A gathering I attended that made me feel a strong sense of belonging. Hmm, I didn't get this one much thought. Um, I'm sure there was one more recently, but you guys probably know I went to Nashville a few months ago to help with.
Speaker 1:We're a part of Think Media T-H-I-N-Q. It's faith-based entrepreneurs, leaders, people in like politics and the arts and business, and it is just such a healthy organization. It is a lot of leaders that just like know how to support other leaders and it was fun. They welcomed Wesley. We volunteered as a family to like help make the conference possible and we stayed with friends. We connected with old friends. It was just like the best for my heart. It was so good and something I've discovered recently that everyone should know about.
Speaker 1:I feel like recently I made a note on my phone which I'm recording on currently, so I can't access it, but you've probably heard me say this before yes Theory, the YouTube channel. I can't believe I'm in like my YouTube era, but I am. It is so phenomenal. If you're looking for something to like binge watch, forget Netflix right now, go to YouTube. They used to start, like years and years and years ago, as discovering abandoned places, which I always thought was cool, but now they just help people to like seek discomfort, say yes to like really big things in life be spontaneous, learn from strangers, travel the world like, seek adventure all of these things.
Speaker 1:But it's from such a unique perspective and there was a video recently where they took a 102-year-old lady to Australia. It was the last continent, like the only continent she hadn't visited in her lifetime. Oh, it was just so heartwarming and just such a good watch. And if anyone is connected to yes Theory, they are on my list of people that I want to have on the show in the coming year and so if you could help me get in touch with them, I would love you for that and send you a big virtual hug and maybe a cheese board or something. Thank you, but that is all from the date with Kate today. Love you, guys, so excited for this year ahead. We have a really sweet lineup more dates with Kate, more guests that you love, and it's going to be a really sweet year Until next time. See you next week, guys.