Making Room by Gather
Hospitality. What do you think of when you hear that word?
For some it's old school 'stuffy' entertaining for others it's something to do with the hotel industry. One thing is for sure, as a culture we're not talking about it much.
Food * Design * Relationships have seemed to have taken a back seat to what our culture focuses on and values yet...we find ourselves in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Something has to change, it's time to get back to our tables, and we're making room for it!
Making Room by Gather invites you into a new conversation on everyday hospitality. One that rewrites the way we approach opening your doors and filling your tables. Shifting the narrative from 'how does this make me look' to 'how does this make you feel' these buildable conversations aspire to inspire connection through everyday gathering.
Kayty's chic and a little quirky interview style will make you feel like you're sitting with a friend talking about how to grow in confidence as an everyday host. You can expect conversations from navigating challenging relationship dynamics to foundational cooking techniques and everything in between.
Whether you are a seasoned host or looking to develop new friendships and grow in your skills for the first time, there is a seat at the table. Join us weekly for new conversations with expert guests and with Kayty in her beloved Date with Kayt episodes. Continue the conversation @gatheritentionalliving
Making Room by Gather
A Mom is Born: Honest Conversation about Motherhood w/ Rachael Elmore
Becoming a mother transforms everything – your body, your relationships, your identity – but most parenting books barely scratch the surface of this seismic shift. Licensed therapist Rachel Elmore discovered this gap firsthand when she experienced postpartum depression after her first child's birth, despite her professional expertise.
When established treatment resources failed her, Rachel created what became the foundation for her groundbreaking book "A Mom is Born" – the first postpartum resource written from both clinical and Christian perspectives by someone who lived through it. This conversation explores the comprehensive New Mom Wellness Plan that has helped thousands of women navigate early motherhood with grace and support.
Rachel unpacks the practical wisdom behind creating a "postpartum pack" . Why accepting help isn't a burden but actually a gift to those who care, and how this vulnerability often leads to deeper, more meaningful relationships. Everything from handling meal trains and managing household responsibilities to navigating the significant hormonal shifts that occur even when weaning from breastfeeding.
For those supporting new mothers, Rachel offers insight into creating truly welcoming spaces that accommodate both mother and baby needs. Most importantly, Rachel shares the perspective every struggling mother needs: "Bad moms don't worry about being bad moms. Good moms do that." The very act of worrying about your parenting indicates you're already on the right track.
Whether you're a new parent, supporting someone who is, or preparing for future parenthood, this conversation provides the honest, compassionate guidance we all wish came standard with every baby shower invitation. Share this episode with anyone navigating the beautiful, challenging journey of early parenthood.
This Episode is Sponsored by:
Tiny Spoon Chef- Get $100 off your customized in home personal chef service using this link!
When I first had our baby shower and brought Wesley home, people gave tons of newborn books. Now, I'll be honest, I would flip through a lot of them and they either were way too kind of like scientific and heady and not relevant to my life, way too impractical, and so I just stopped reading them, I stopped picking them up, and I remember that my mother in law gave me this book called A Mom is Born, and the cover was beautiful. I remember thinking like, oh my goodness, that design makes me really happy. But I added it to the pile and I picked it back up about three months postpartum. I was sitting with Wesley and I was nap trapped and I picked the book up and, oh my word, I don't remember what stage it was, but I want to say page one. I remember the words and I just thought this is exactly what I needed. Now I need you to know.
Speaker 1:I reached out to Rachel, the author that I'm going to be talking about, because I was like your message, your heartbeat, this, this is what I want moms to know. And, uh, people that are looking to give gifts to good at to new moms, this book is the gold mine. Now, what was different about it, I felt that it was the only book that prepared me for motherhood, honestly. So everything from like postpartum anxiety to goodness, like everything from intrusive thoughts to safety, to health and marriage and like all of those topics that people kind of dance around when they're talking about like instead of like thinking about pretty wrapping paper and cute clothes, and so this conversation is not going to be entirely heavy, but I hope that it's incredibly honest and helpful. I hope that it actually makes whoever's listening whether you know, like if there's a mom and kind of like a postpartum phase that you feel as seen and known, as I did when I first picked up Rachel's book. Again, the book is called A Mom is Born, and I'm going to be talking about her story today. What led her to write it more about the book where you could buy it. About the book where you could buy it, because this is a resource that I so honestly am letting you know, like if and when it's time for us to have another baby. This is my go-to resource. Every baby shower I go to from here on out, this is the gift, and I hope that it becomes that for you too. So, anyways, rachel Elmore is a licensed clinical mental health counselor, supervisor expert, speaker and award-winning author with over 20 years of experience in the counseling field. In 2020, her book A Mom is Born biblical wisdom and practical advice for taking care of yourself and your new baby was selected by Lisa Turkhurst and her amazing team from countless submissions, offering vital support for new parents. A sought-after speaker, rachel has appeared on popular platforms like the Proverbs 31 podcast, with episodes exceeding 3 million downloads, and Behind the Bliss with Rachel Autry I hope I said that last name right but reaching over a million listeners.
Speaker 1:Rachel owns a thriving private practice in Charlotte, north Carolina. In her long career, she has helped thousands of people navigate the struggles of parenthood. There's nothing Rachel loves more than encouraging men and women to be emotionally healthy and to walk by faith, even when they cannot see. Well, in light of talking about parenthood oh my goodness. Parenthood and community and how to, kind of like, activate your community and figure out who is helping and filling what role.
Speaker 1:As you go into the season, it is the perfect time to talk about tiny spoon chef. This is a personal chef service that changed my world. This last summer, they sent a personal chef over. Her name was Danielle and in this personal chef experience. They are sending someone to kind of join your family team.
Speaker 1:So as often as you want them to come once a week, once a month, whatever that looks like you fill out a questionnaire. It is a totally customized experience dietary needs, spice preferences, skin on chicken or no bones or whatever that looks like for you guys. You work with that with them, you tell them where you like to shop, what your food budget is and this. I think there are so many aspects of it that I just absolutely loved. But they come to your house, they cook and when they leave, they leave the kitchen cleaner than they found it. I literally I mean that she cleaned the kitchen way cleaner than she found it every single time and all of the food is put right in your fridge with heating instructions and, oh my gosh, no more gross for like frost but not frostbitten freezer burned like reheated food.
Speaker 1:You get to take food out of your fridge. It is flavor filled, crave worthy, in line with your family's goals, and they believe that mealtime is so important and nourishment and good food and adding people to your family team, and we believe that too. So head on over to tiny spoon chefcom slash gather and you can access a hundred dollars off your first week with you If you are a first time customer for your personal chef. Hi, I'm Katie, a hospitality educator and the host of making room by gather podcast. I am set to see our communities get back to the table through hospitality, but it wasn't always this way. My husband and I moved to Thailand and through it I experienced some loneliness and with it I was given a choice to sit back and accept it or to do something about it. And for me that meant two things that I needed the healing to learn how to accept an invitation and the confidence to know how to extend one. Through this process, I developed some of the richest and deepest relationships of my life.
Speaker 1:Through Making Room by Gather, you will hear conversations from myself and experts in the areas of food, design and relationships. You see there are countless things trying to keep us from the table. But can I tell you something? Take a seat because you are ready, you are capable, you are a good host, okay, well, I wanted to hit record really fast because we were starting to have like friend conversation and I wanted to capture it. Well, welcome, rachel, I'm so glad you're here. I was laughing because I was scrolling Instagram before we hopped on and your post I think it was in your stories. You were like my favorite childhood memory is when someone cooked for me every night.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I felt that when I saw that this morning, right yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, Isn't that real? I know someone we're in the middle of a big move right now and someone brought me a sandwich the other day. I'm like, oh my gosh, this is treasured, this sandwich never tasted so good.
Speaker 2:What is it when somebody else makes you a sandwich, even if it's just like a friend, I just swear it's like special. If somebody makes you a sandwich, it's amazing. I mean, it's so funny. Those little simple things are just such a big deal, especially in the mom world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they are. They are man. It's so funny. I've been eating my own words so much now that I'm a mom, just thinking back to the things I said before and I'm like, wow, I really get it. Now. It is hard to make that sandwich or whatever it is. But I want to give listeners a little bit of context as to who you are so my listeners may know. At this point we get all different types of guests, guests that come to us asking to be on the show but I specifically wanted you here, needed you here. I think that listeners need your heart and need your messaging, and I'll dive into that a little bit more. But you are the author of a book that I read called the Mom is Born, and okay, I'm going to get too far ahead myself. I want to start with your story. And so what was your? Why did you think that it was so important to write this book? Like, what was the story leading up to that? Give us that first and we'll go from there. Yeah, you got it.
Speaker 2:So it's. It is kind of a wild story. Most I don't, I mean maybe most authors have this story, but it is unusual. So I wrote the first postpartum depression baby blues book written from a Christian perspective, and I'm the first therapist that went through it myself postpartum depression and anxiety that wrote a book on it.
Speaker 2:And so 13 years ago, when I became a mom for the first time, I kind of went into it knowing that it was going to be hard. I knew I was going to be sore, I know I was going to be tired. I just had no idea what was about to hit me and I was already at the time, 2012, a pretty like well-known licensed therapist. I had my own practice at that point and so it was not going into it conceited, but I just thought, okay, I can handle this. I know I'm going to be really tired and sore, but I did not know about the sadness and the anxiety. And so when I had my first son, obviously absolutely in love with motherhood and a little bit of a disclaimer with any of our symptoms whenever we become a mom, like whether, if it's some mild baby blues, we are sisters, not twins. So everybody's experience becoming a mom is completely different, but this was mine, and so I became a mom and absolutely in love with my son, and for me it was about three weeks from the day I gave birth and I just felt different. I felt very sad. It's like the sky wasn't blue anymore. I didn't get excited about going to the beach or thinking about funny memories with friends, I wasn't smiling, and again, that was my situation and I'm very thankful because I was already in the mental health field that, Katie, I knew exactly what it was. I knew that this wasn't me and this wasn't normal.
Speaker 2:And so we went to actually see my family doctor, I think, the next day, and was diagnosed with some postpartum depression and anxiety. And so that happened. I went on a nice, a little mild antidepressant, which I can't sing its praises enough Meds aren't for everybody, but it definitely helped me in my case. And then I went to see three different, very well-respected therapists in my area and all of which told me, Katie, that they didn't really know how to help me At the time.
Speaker 2:Our DSM Diagnostical I'm sorry, let me say that again Our Diagnostic Statistical Manual.
Speaker 2:It had about a paragraph that was about, I think, four sentences on perinatal and postpartum disorders, and I decided that that wasn't good enough anymore, and so I spent the last 10 years coming up with a treatment plan that I badly wished had been there for me, and so it's been the treatment plan that I've used hundreds of times, and now thousands of women have used it as well. But it's the treatment plan that worked on myself, and you know I just I wanted to pay it forward and be able to give it. I can't see every client that is referred to me, and I'm so thankful for every referral that I get, but I can give them, you know, a $9 book for sure and be able to say well, I know like I might not be able to see you as a client, but I can give these books. Therapists are reading them, OBGYNs are reading them, just to be able to understand that we really don't know what we're doing with the experience in mental health right after a mom becomes a mom.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow. Well, you already know that it totally changed my start of motherhood, but I want to give a little bit of a backstory to listeners. So I had my baby shower. I was given tons of books, right, that's what happens, right, there are books out there. I would flip through them and I was like, oh, okay, maybe I'll take away this one liner, but the rest doesn't really apply. Or I didn't feel totally seen, right. And so my mother-in-law actually gave me yours and I didn't read it until maybe like three months postpartum.
Speaker 1:Rachel, it was the first time I feel like I'm going to get choked up in this conversation. It was. I was reading your words and I didn't feel like you had just like studied my season. I felt like you knew my heart and there were some things that we were going through, like postpartum depression, wise, or even just like I mean practically around the house, like marriage changing, and my husband and I were like whoa, like we did not know to expect this. But your book prepares the mom for those, like the things that nobody else is talking about. And yeah, I mean I read it cover to cover, which is hard postpartum, right, you know. And I just remember like I found you on Instagram, I messaged you right away. I was like I am gifting this to everybody, and so I hope that listeners, as you hear the rest of this conversation, that becomes like a new commitment of yours too, because your words, what did you say? You are the first, what? Author.
Speaker 2:Like. So this is the first book of its kind and authors don't really get to say that very often, but you know it's interesting part of the book proposal process that you give a publisher or your comparable works. And there's a couple of books on perinatal disorders and again, my book is for all new moms. It's not just for postpartum depression and anxiety, it's for the preparation of all moms, and so the idea is that a therapist has never written this book like a licensed clinician that treats it, that went through it herself, and I'm also a believer in Jesus, and so it's just a really wild combination that I feel the world really needed to be able to bring the clinical perspective but also be able to sprinkle in just some of the spiritual and biblical truth in there as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, and the reason I wanted you to say that again to listeners is because that is so real. That's not just like a line in a press kit that I was like told to bring up. You know, like it literally. It literally is like a truth that I experienced, and Colby, my husband, is not a reader, but I was like you need to read this chapter and it was so helpful for us to like go through. It's meaty, it is meaty and it's real. It's so hard. I don't want yeah, I don't want to compare other titles, but for everyone that's like curious, just get a copy of the book, because, yeah, you know what I love, rachel too. There was a part of the book that you even addressed like single mothers, right, and you just, oh gosh, you know the heart of a mom and so I want to go into it. Are you, are you comfortable if we go through the new mom wellness plan?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, or did you want?
Speaker 1:to save that for no girl, we can do absolutely.
Speaker 2:I mean I, I, I do the new mom wellness plan on this little couch behind me all the time, so I'm absolutely comfy.
Speaker 1:Okay. So I think this is the part that when I got here, when I got to this chapter, when I got to this guide, I was like, man, okay, I really needed to read it before Wesley got here.
Speaker 1:That would have been the most helpful time but, it did help me, even in early postpartum, and I just want I want everyone listening to hear this, because whether you are, I don't know later in life, supporting a new mom soon to be grandma, a new mom like this is just really helpful. So how do you want to do this, Rachel? Do you want me to, like, spit off different topics and you kind of elaborate? Are there parts of it that I mean? Do you want to go through it as you're talking to a client? What would be most fun for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, through it, as you're talking to a client, what would be most fun for you? Yeah, I mean, I love giving an overview of the fact that it is important. While we don't want to expect the worst, we want to prepare for the worst. And look, this wellness plan the one in the book is mine and it wasn't done until a couple of months after I had a baby. I hadn't had it done and really the reason I did it was for clients down the road, and so I used it for my second pregnancy because I went into it just saying maybe I might have some symptoms and let's just go into it. And I was able to really not deal with any of the postpartum symptoms that I had first time around, or very few of them, and so it's good to be a mom with a plan. So it's good to be a mom with a plan. It's good to be a mom with a plan. And look, a plan here is looking at the very basic psychological principle of a guy named Abraham Maslow.
Speaker 2:Back in the day. If you ever took a psych course, you probably learned about his hierarchy of needs and he talks about how you have to meet the needs of the physical at the bottom of this pyramid before you move up to the next step. So the next rung of the ladder is safety and security, and then the next one is love and belongingness, and eventually we end up at something called self-actualization, which is when we feel, when we come into our true selves and we feel fully satisfied. Ladies, if you're listening to this now, as a mom, I'm not in a self-actualized space in my life. I'm very happy. But as a new mom, just like the dirty hair and haven't brushed my teeth today and just the desperate, I just want to feel like a person. I want to feel like I do today, where I just wash my hair and I feel like a brand new girl.
Speaker 2:And it's so important to know that a new mom isn't going to be thinking about her mental health until she has her basic physical needs met.
Speaker 2:And so this whole plan is based on this psychological theory that's been proven, that this is how we have to take care of people.
Speaker 2:This is how we have to take care of ourselves.
Speaker 2:We've got to take care of ourselves physically first, and this is something in the 1700s, when some of the early missionaries from the United States or, at that time, the colonies were going overseas and they were bringing Bibles but not food to people, and very early on they're like wait, we need to bring bread and the Bibles, and I mean absolutely spiritual truth is everything, but we need to feed these people too, and so what new moms need is we've got to make sure their physical needs are met before we worry about things like their social loving and belongingness and feeling like they fit in.
Speaker 2:That's not going to take place if her basement is flooded, and so it's just talking about. Once you understand this as a new mom and understand why you literally don't have the capacity to worry about paying a bill on time because you're so sleep deprived, I feel like it gives us a freedom, but when we plan for it in advance, it prevents a lot of anxiety, because we've already walked through it but we've not expected for it. We've made a plan in case the worst happens.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. So let's go through it because it's rich. You know what? I think I told you this too, or I left it on your review on Amazon. I feel like every hospital should even send a mom home with this. That's how good it is Like. I just really want people to hear this, because I don't think anyone's experienced it unless they've read through your stuff. So you start off by saying, like these are the people that I could reach out and let them know that I need their help. You know, I am really blessed with an amazing community that kind of offered help from the start. But like, who could these people be for a new mom? Let's give some suggestions.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so ideally one of the people would be your partner or your spouse. I know sometimes that's not the case, but and I do address that in my book quite a bit but ideally your partner would be one of the people. I always like to point out that some of the people in my postpartum plan were not parents. They weren't moms. They were single friends of mine that were very much there for me and showed up with a frozen pizza and DVDs. I'm showing my age a little bit with saying they showed up with a DVD to watch and they would just sit and hold my baby and let me go run to target Like the moms that were really there for me. And there were single ladies too that were there for me. So it really surprised me. It's not like you would think you know, looking at Instagram or looking at I don't know, maybe TV shows of what it should look like. It might be a neighbor, it might be someone like a Bible study leader At the time. A lot of the women that reached out to me through my church. It's because I reached out to my church and I said I need help.
Speaker 2:My husband had a very busy work schedule at the time. There was no telecommuting at the time so I was just alone. I didn't have family in the area At least my family's not from the Charlotte area and my mom was working full time so she couldn't be here and I just I needed some help. And especially in that meantime, while we were waiting for me to figure out my son's undiagnosed dairy allergy that he had at the time that we didn't know, and I just needed some people to check in on me and so it was. You know, for myself it was. You know my mom was a piece of the puzzle. It was a Bible study leader that at the time she's very precious to me, now very close, but she wasn't somebody I knew very well and it was a next door neighbor that at that time I did not know very well.
Speaker 2:And these were the people who I and there's another section of this chapter where there's a little like a letter that you can take a picture of and text to your postpartum pack, and it's just three to five people that you say, hey, will you commit to just looking out for my text messages in the next few months? And I've never had a client come to me and do that process and say, oh no, they said no. People take it very seriously when you're like, look, I have this postpartum plan. I, you know, said no. People take it very seriously when you're like, look, I have this postpartum plan, I think I'm going to be doing great, but can you check in on me? Can you try your best to tell me that I'm a good mom? And then there's also like a kind of a script for the people that are going to help you for how exactly they can help you. Like there's like the 27 practical three minute ways that can help you in that moment.
Speaker 2:Because I know what was so hard for me, katie, is I didn't really know what I needed during that season. I was just like I don't know, almost like a zombie. I was barely making it. I didn't know that I needed to get out of the house, I didn't know that I needed to go outside. I just didn't even know what I needed.
Speaker 2:And so sometimes it's nice to be able to say hey ahead of time, if you can, or after you give birth, to be able to say hey to a few people. This is what I need from you, and I've never had somebody not want to come on board with a new mom. I mean especially for people that have either known a new mom or have been one themselves. They know how hard the struggle is and they want to be a part of you being well, and it is a gift to give somebody when we allow them to help us. And it was a true gift because that's where I made a lot of my true people was through letting people in and for them to see me be that vulnerable. It was hard for me, especially like I'm a counselor, like I should have it all together, right, and I so did not have it together, and so it ended up being a really strange but awesome gift, because this is how I really met and developed some really important deep friendships in my life.
Speaker 1:I. So so much of what you said I would just said I love. But that last part is so key, I think, for listeners, because what is like the biggest hospitality lie that everything has to be perfect to engage in community, everything has to be perfect in order to build friendships, and the vulnerability is the key. That vulnerability is the key and I actually and that's so true of my story too with just different relationships and different seasons. But what would you say to the mom who thought things similar to what I thought in the beginning, like I'm a high capacity person, I could figure this out, I can very quickly adapt and I, you know, I love hearing that you changed your strategy for baby number two, because whenever we're in that season, I'm going to have to change my strategy too, cause my original strategy didn't work.
Speaker 1:I turned down a lot of help. I was like I got this, I learned quickly, I'm going to figure, and it was hard. It was really much more difficult for me than I anticipated. So what would you say to someone who's in that boat? I'm high capacity, I'm a quick learner, I don't need help. What would your encouragement be to them?
Speaker 2:Well, look, I just, I mean, we're human beings and we're built for needing each other and I think there were things I needed that other people wouldn't need and vice versa, and like I didn't need anybody to like hold my baby so I could take a shower, like that was something I was like I can, you know, I can figure that part out or whatever it might be. But I think that what's so important is with postpartum hormones. Oh, deep breath, I know, right. Yeah, we have no clue what's going to hit us until we go through it. And it's just I, just I. It's somebody that always wanted to do everything.
Speaker 2:Very naturally, I'd never been on medication. I know I sound like a fraud. I'm a licensed therapist and it's kind of deep down in my late twenties. I'm kind of like, do meds really help that much? Did God humble me? Did God ever humble me in that? And I mean that was kind of like it's kind of embarrassing to admit that, but I wrote it in my book, so I might as well talk about it. I kind of was like, does it really help that much? And then to go through it and be able to say, oh yeah, they do.
Speaker 2:And I've had moms that I've worked with that have had some like perinatal postpartum depression. So while they're pregnant they've had some issues that have not had symptoms that I thought maybe they would. We can't predict that, and so what's good to know is, in the beginning, say yes to all the help, because it will never hurt you to allow people to come in see your really cute baby at least for five minutes or whatever it might be, and bring you, you know, a chicken pot pie. I don't know why. That was my favorite when, like, my pastor brought me like homemade chicken pot pies and I was like, yes, it was also December and it was just fantastic. Also, I could freeze them easily and I was all for the carbs and let's do it.
Speaker 2:And I just think why would we deny that People want to help? Why do we say no to that? Because it cuts those people off and it does deny people the gift of that. God gives us this great feeling that we get when we help somebody and just don't deny them of that. You're not using them. If they're offering to help, say yes, say sure, you can bring me subs, that sounds great. Bring me a Wendy's Frosty, I don't care, whatever it might be. A lot of times it is like food and hugs and things like that.
Speaker 2:But we need to look at a face. Sometimes it's not ours and not our child's, especially early in that time, even though we think we don't want to because we don't want people to see our house or see how messy we look, but we do. We need to see them, no matter whether we're struggling badly or not with any sort of anxiety or depression after we have a baby. We need people and let me tell you, as a mom of a teenager now I have a teenager and a 10-year-old mom of a teenager now I have a teenager and a 10-year-old.
Speaker 2:We had an issue this week that I had to call several friends mid-tiers and ask nothing major but still, what would you do in this situation? This really hurt my child's feelings. How would you handle this? Friends, we need each other and I just think the longer that we're in this life, I mean we may be high capacity, we may be really hard workers and really intelligent, and I imagine most of your listeners I mean. They're amazing people, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean that we still don't need people. I mean, jesus had disciples and so why shouldn't we? Wow.
Speaker 1:So, so good. And, like you said, there's really no, no, yeah, there's no way to prepare for it. So saying yes, even you know we're not talking about my move in this episode, but you know, I had someone reach out, um, someone that I don't really know, but we have acquaintances. She was a trusted person and she was like, can I help you with this move? And it was so unexpected. She was like the last person I would have expected to ask for help and I was was like Katie, say yes, like just say yes, and it blessed me so much. And I was like, okay, you're growing, katie, good job, like this. But that's the type of, that's the type of response to have. Say yes, people, especially when people take the time to extend help, it's coming from a genuine place, yeah, you don't have to question motives or anything like that. So good, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, food is a huge love language of mine, so it's something that I'm very quick to extend as, like, a sign of love and support of people. I do, I do accept food because, like I said, it is a love language. But why is it so important for moms to accept help in this area? And maybe, what have you seen happen. Most often Do people set up meal trains for people or they set them up for themselves. What have you experienced?
Speaker 2:Most often, at least, when I think of friends and clients. Most often there's someone that says can I set up a meal train for you? And if I'm working with someone or somebody who's a friend, well, hey, then I set it up for them. But I'm like you need a meal train. Like let's go ahead and set this up. Once in a while I'll have like a client that'll say, yeah, these people offered to.
Speaker 2:I had this the other day a client that said, oh well, all these women wanted to throw me a baby shower, and I said no because I felt bad and I was like okay, slow down, slow, wait, what are we? And I know her very well. I was like all right, what are we doing here? You're not going to let them bring you presents. She's like, well, I just feel bad. I'm like, well, I'm they someone to set up a meal train? And they'll be like, well, I said no and I'm like, well, go back and say yes, and then it works out.
Speaker 2:Usually people are not doing them for themselves, but why not if you need it to? I think it's a great thing to ask anybody that's close to you to set up a meal train, and I think that I mean, in general, we love loving each other like that and it's so great Now we can just send like an Uber Eats gift card. If we, if we do not have the time, we can still help. Even if it's really small, even if it's 10 bucks, it helps. And so I would encourage moms there that, even if you've not had anybody ask yet, if people are saying, hey, if is there anything I can do, say, could you actually just set up a meal train? I'll send you a bunch of emails and you just share it like I'm sorry, let me say that again and share it on your socials. And that would be a great thing to ask for If people keep asking you if you need anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really good and you know, I've learned this actually, so I've. I come from an Italian family. Food is always like given, received, like exchanged, and I realized that's not a common experience, like there are some people that are not used to meal trains and have never participated in one, and if you are listening and you haven't been a recipient of one or participated, now's a great time to start. They are a huge relief. They're super easy and, like you said, we actually received tons of Uber Eats gift cards. It was the first time we got one. They were amazing because we used one in the hospital. We saved some for like nights, we really needed a home. Yeah, what a gift, so good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I like for one mom, like I just sent her, like Instacarted her, all the stuff for, like, meatball subs, you know, like it's like we overcomplicate it and it wasn't expensive I mean, even this day and age it wasn't that expensive to do. But it's just one of those things of like you're not putting people out by them wanting to help you. If they're offering to help, then let them by them wanting to help you.
Speaker 1:If they're offering to help, then let them Really really good. Well, there is so much in here. I want to kind of highlight some of the things that were most just like either heartwarming or eye-opening for me. But you talk about safety and this I don't think is talked about, and I mean, you know this better than anyone. Baby showers are all about like the celebration and the cute outfits and this safety piece, goodness gracious, huge, it's huge, so let's go through it. The first question that you ask in here and then I might let you just kind of like build from here is do I have a plan where I won't be alone for more than one day at a time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, research has shown that moms I mean no matter how super the new mom is they shouldn't be isolated. We know that and we need someone to check in on her. Not because she's maybe not safe for herself and I don't want to be triggering it doesn't mean that she's not going to be safe for her baby. She just needs to see, like I said earlier, another face. We respond to faces biologically. It makes us happy to see another human smile at us. We need a hug sometimes, like we need those things If somebody's saying you're doing a good job. You're doing a good job. You're doing a good job.
Speaker 2:And with the safety aspect we're talking about, it used to be 200 years ago. We were worried about bear attacks or things like that. We weren't. Or maybe a house burning. We weren't worried about our basement flooding or financial safety in the same way that we are today. And so safety and security, those needs have changed.
Speaker 2:So as we go through this plan of saying, okay, let's meet your physical needs, then meet your safety needs, let's make sure you know who's going to make sure and check in on this concern when it comes to our financial safety, can I ask my partner to make sure, because I've never missed a mortgage payment in my life, except for when I was in postpartum, like I forgot to pay all our bills. I've never missed a mortgage payment in my life, except for when I was in postpartum. I forgot to pay all our bills. I've never in my life missed a payment for anything. I'm not that girl I'm such a financial nerd but that's so indicative of what was going on in my heart and in my mind and that's how much I was struggling for me to forget to eat and things like that. That's why we need people coming alongside of us to say hey, are you eating? Here's some. Here's an Uber Eats gift card. Did you eat today? Has anyone checked in on you today? Have you been alone for 19 hours? That's not a good thing, and so we start with that.
Speaker 2:And then we start with, like, planning out the week and saying who's going to who am I going to have lunch with? Who's going to come over and fold laundry with me? Who's going to bring their kid over and hang out? For, seriously, give me 20, 30 minutes. Who's going to hold my baby while I go get something done? And so with that it was so pivotal second time around I just made sure I wasn't looking at a calendar, thinking I was going to be alone for weeks on end. That just didn't happen. Even my sweet sister-in-law, who did not have kids, she came and hung out with me a couple of days and it was great. She got to also bond with my baby. And so, trying to think about safety and security, it's not just whether or not you're physically safe, but it's making sure that you're emotionally, mentally safe, even if you don't feel that you're struggling. We want to also prevent struggling, because sometimes postpartum symptoms don't show up until later on if we don't put some of these things in place.
Speaker 1:A little bit off topic but a little bit connected as well. I was talking to a girlfriend recently who said when she stopped breastfeeding she felt like it was kind of like postpartum depression, almost like round two. Is there science behind that? A hundred percent, Yep. Can you talk about that a little bit, Because I was like, okay, that makes sense as I think about it, but I've literally never heard that.
Speaker 2:It is and I tell clients that and they're like, well, when they start processing through, whenever and look I, I'm pro breastfeeding, but I'm also I fed his best, so whatever works. I mean, I really think the mental health of the mom is is the most important thing, but whenever she feels led and starts to feel like physically, mentally, it's time to start weaning. We start planning for that. If we plan ahead, typically like the mini postpartum phase lasts like two weeks.
Speaker 1:If we plan ahead.
Speaker 2:It's like again, if we know it's coming, if husband or spouse or partner knows it's coming, if a mom knows it's coming, it's like, all right, we're weaning off of breastfeeding. And even like even I can forget, because I'm far out from having teeny kids. But just remembering, like even I can forget cause I'm, you know, far out from having, you know, teeny kids, but just remembering, like, oh, you're going to go through a mini postpartum phase and it just has to do with what happens to your estrogen, your progesterone, and what happens to, especially with a lot of the hormones that we need in order to make our breast milk. A lot of those hormones, I'm sorry, a lot of those hormones that make us lactate, also make us happy, like oxytocin, which is the cuddle hormone, and so we've got this perfect storm. It's not as severe as the original baby blues postpartum, but it can feel that way, especially if it blindsides you. But if you stop breastfeeding and you're like, all right, this is going to be rough. Let's brace ourselves. Let's not make any major plans the next two weeks. Let me make an appointment with my counselor, let me make sure to talk to other moms that have been through this, let me get ready and kind of hunker down. It's not, we can minimize the impact. It's like a emotional bomb shelter, if you will. And so and you know, interesting story.
Speaker 2:So I because I have I had had stage four endometriosis. I underwent recently a hysterectomy and I was not expecting but I was able to keep an ovary I'm not weird talking about this at all and so was able to talk to my OBGYN, who was a big part of me writing my book and said what's going on with my emotions? I'm crying, and I was like I feel like I did back when I was postpartum and I remember him texting me and him being like well, girl, I hate to tell you, you are in like a mini, like postpartum phase, and it's very similar to what you go through, except that we don't have the lactation hormones going all over the place. And so while I was not going through any sort of like menopause, I was going through a big hormonal shift in having a hysterectomy.
Speaker 2:And so, just to encourage people, once I knew that I was like, oh, let me get this book out and let me do the same stuff, and it's like we know how to attack this problem. We don't feel just a victim to it. You know it's not, it's not a hill that we have to die on. We run towards it and say, all right, let's deal with this. This is doable, this is fixable when we know and can prepare ahead of time that there is a mini baby blues that you go through after you finish breastfeeding. Most women, it doesn't last too long and we're able to minimize the impact. For sure.
Speaker 1:You know what I love. I love all of this, but specifically in that I love that you say we, because you walk alongside a lot of clients. Usually this is a question I'd ask towards the end, but I think it's important for right now. If someone listening is like I would love a professional to walk through this with. I don't know many mother-centered, motherhood-centered counselors. How does someone find that? Or work with you if you work with people across states?
Speaker 2:Carolina and I have reciprocity with Florida, my state licensing board. I'm nationally credentialed as well, but some of the licensing laws are still, honestly, they're in process right now. They're literally on the legislative floor, so I can't speak to some of that, but I am licensed in those states. So if you are in those states, you can definitely reach out to me. But I think looking for someone, looking for a counselor, I think Psychology Today I wish this was sponsored. It's so not. They're a great place to start. I think they have one of the most comprehensive search engines.
Speaker 2:When it comes to looking for a counselor, I think it's really great to ask friends. I think it's great to I mean, this is really putting yourself out there. You put it on social media, put in your story of like, hey, asking for a friend, does anybody know a good counselor in this state? And typically you do need somebody that either has a license in your state or reciprocity with your state, and so I think that going through psychology today is good, but if you can go through a friend, that is by far or just someone that says, hey, this person was awesome for me, and in general, a lot of times it's looking at their website and maybe seeing some videos of them going on their Instagram and just honestly looking at a video of somebody like me and being like, hey, rachel seems like cool, like I feel like I could tell her stuff. Or some people may I may not be their jam, and that's okay. Like I may not be like their kind of person and that's totally cool too. We can still be friends and so like getting a feel for what they're like, because one of the most important things I mean we need to be credentialed and we need to.
Speaker 2:We've studied this time and time again. It's not that you're just like us, that's not what makes the counseling work. It's the bond between the counselor and the client. It's the relationship, the healthy relationship, that really brings about healing. And so when you're sitting across from a counselor or talking to a counselor for the first time on the phone to schedule an appointment, you need to ask yourself does this person seem like they might care about me, even like a little bit? Because if they don't, then that's to me that's a problem. The sterile counseling environment doesn't work. It really doesn't work. It's great for the psychiatric side of things and for just like medication management, but it's really not ideal when we're looking for a counseling relationship. So psychology today is a good place to start.
Speaker 2:For myself, I do love.
Speaker 2:I've seen personally faith-based counselors as well as not faith-based. It is very important that they are licensed because your licensing board they're going to. They make us do a lot of stuff we should and shouldn't do, and that's a good thing. They regulate what we're not allowed to do and they protect people from you know, bad counselors. And so I mean I've never want to say somebody is a bad counselor, but I'm sure that, just like anybody, there's good ones and there's ones that maybe have some stuff to work on, and so with that just encouraging people to go that route, it can be very frustrating post COVID finding a counselor. I feel like there's just not as many people going into the field, and so we honestly we need counselors that are going to go to school for it, because a lot of people are not going to school for it at the time, and we need to raise up more therapists, for sure, but just to encourage people to keep trying and to really find someone that you're like, I like her, I like him, I just feel like they care.
Speaker 1:Man, that's a good approach for people to take. Well, there is a section that I want to talk more about before we run out of time, and it's the social side. And people know my heart is hospitality and that has definitely shifted going into motherhood, and at the same time we saw friends approach it so differently. So we had some friends where life and relationship just stopped. Like relationship with them as we know it totally changed. It was almost like relationship ended once kids got in the picture. We've also have friends on the total flip side no bedtime, say yes to everything, right, and so there's two totally different sides of the spectrum. We know that. I guess it is a reality. Social life does change and so, man, there's so much that we could talk about here. But what would you say like to the new mom? What would you say would be a good goal socially for a new mom? Let's start there. Or what would health look like socially? Maybe that's a better question. What would health look like?
Speaker 2:socially, yeah, yeah, I think making sure you're not isolated. I think making sure that you're making plans. I think that you, even if it sounds insane, but you're making plans for a girl's trip that might be in two years, which might sound really sad, it doesn't have to be two years but making plans, I think that once a week, making sure you're going to go to lunch with someone, to make sure that someone's coming over, to make sure that you are getting out of the house to see somebody that cares about you. And look, I've been new to Charlotte I'm not from Charlotte and moved here and I knew one person. I know what it's like to live in a town where I didn't really know anybody that cared for me and that, for me, is really that was a very spiritual process where I feel God really showed up for me in ways that I mean I prayed for friends and prayed for people to care about me and he really showed up there. And I do pray that for each new mom specifically, because I know how isolating that can feel, especially if you don't have a big social network. But just really starting with where you're at and starting with just the people that you last talked to the people that maybe you last did a favor for, not that it's tit for tat, but just to be able to say like oh, that's someone that we interacted with, and really reaching out to people and saying let's get something on the calendar and let's do something fun, because those lunches and I mean I remember I had a friend, like I mean, we were, I was so poor with my first pregnancy and I we really were, we were, we were financially strapped and we would like go to freedom park and Charlotte and we, we like picked up Taco Bell and like walked our babies around and it was like my lifeline was that of just putting them in a stroller. And yes, even though my baby cried the whole time, like she picked me up Taco Bell, which is like my guilty pleasure, and like we walked around and I got to laugh with her and she walked as slowly as I needed to post C-section and you know, it's just I needed those things, even though I kind of always wanted to cancel them because of just whatever I was going through in my mental health.
Speaker 2:And just saying like you should be scheduling something once a week, there should be an outing and no, it's not a dinner party, like let's make it really simple, like it can be, you know, let's make sandwiches together and sit on the couch and watch this one show, or like watch a guilty pleasure show, and just being able to say, like let's do this together and let's fold laundry together, let's go to Target together.
Speaker 2:I have a friend we still joke, our favorite thing to do is run errands together and we did it with our kids in the back seat, in the car seats, like we would go, you know, run to Target, run to the pharmacy, run to Costco together, and that was really healing for me. So trying to think about it is it doesn't have to necessarily cost a lot of money. You don't have to spend a bunch of money. I know everything's expensive right now. You don't necessarily have to spend a bunch of money to do these outings. It doesn't have to be brunch. It's great if it's brunch, but try to just say, like I need to make a plan where I see a person that cares about me, where I get out of the house.
Speaker 1:You know, I was thinking a while ago I had done like a children and hospitality, like hosting, kind of like story, and it went kind of crazy and people were saying like, oh, I'm just going to wait until my kids are older to gather, I'm going to wait until my kids are older. It was so common, rachel, like dozens and dozens and dozens, and I started to think about it. I'm like man, why is it so intimidating? And I know that there's a lot of layers behind that. Mental health can play in self-esteem, like all of these things.
Speaker 1:But also I realized that it's very hard for when you're going to someone else's home to feel comfortable, like if the kid has to take a nap, if you're breastfeeding and there have been some people in my life that I've seen set up an atmosphere for a new mom really well and that has looked like, hey, they will explicitly say if you're comfortable breastfeeding on the couch, it doesn't bother me, feel free to do that. But if you want privacy, there's a rocking chair in the bedroom upstairs. I loved that because sometimes I would be at this person's house and, based on who was there, I was comfortable breastfeeding on the couch, but sometimes I did want to go upstairs, or I'm trying to think of other specifics. Like you know, I set up oh yeah, I set up a pack and play and the air conditioners on for Wesley in the guest room. Those simple things are actually huge and they will make a new mom feel so comfortable leaving the house.
Speaker 1:So as we're setting up this new house, I have those things in mind. I'm like, okay, as I'm packing away Wesley's stuff, leave out toys for the main age groups for when my mom friends come over. Make sure there is room for a pack and play with an air conditioner. Those types of things are huge socially. Is there anything else you'd add that you think?
Speaker 2:No, I love and I laugh because my boys, even though they're older and obviously they have bigger kid toys, things like that, I still have a tub of baby and toddler toys and it's available readily. And I have a pack and play that's currently set up. Because I love to entertain and I have friends. We have kids from age zero you know zero all the way up to, you know, 15, 16 years old and so in in the guest room. That's where our pack and play lives and we were thankful to have a guest room and most of the time it stays up, even though it's kind of in the way, but because I love having it up to where someone walks in and they're panicked, their arms are full. If I've got a new mom that's coming over, that's either coming for dinner to stay.
Speaker 2:I'm usually putting more into that visit. Like I'm not really cleaning my house as much. My house is pretty clean. It's usually kind of a mess, but that's okay. I'm putting more. I'm thinking more along the side of like, let's make the food simple and I know, and I know you're Italian and I might just say all right, we don't have to go GF tonight, let's just do pasta. Let's keep it pretty simple and I'm going to put more into like I might make sure my room is pretty picked up so that she can go upstairs to our bedroom to breastfeed.
Speaker 2:I just assume all those things I'm like I would love it. Obviously I have clients breastfeed in front of me. That has never bothered me, but I understand everybody has a different comfort level. So here's a fan. Just like you said, what do you need? And you're not going to have all of the things. But I think that just trying matters so much. People are like you still have a pack and play, you still have crib sheets, you still have some nursing covers and you still yeah, I still have sippy cups. I don't need them, but I have them in case there's a mom in my house that's panicked and might need them and I love and sometimes it's the wrong kind of sippy cup. But it's like the fact that I'm trying. They're like oh, it's so heartwarming to them to be like you didn't forget me, you didn't forget what I'm going through. Oh gosh, I'm getting like choked up talking about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, because it's like they feel seen. And yeah, it's so funny. I think I need to get new sippy cups because, like, the ones that we liked are outdated. But I think that it's just like, hey, I'm trying and I'm putting, instead of like really like having a tablescape or whatever we call it, which is awesome, I'm really focusing on like meeting that mom at the car, helping her carry in whatever she needs, because I know whenever I went to anyone's house, even for dinner, I always came with a bunch of stuff, right yeah. And I'm usually like can I carry the baby? Can I carry some stuff? I'm so excited you're here.
Speaker 2:I don't care if they throw up on everything, I don't care if, like, they make a mess. We're going to make sure you guys have a good time. And I just try to do that because I remember so many moms doing that for me and saying you know, I hope you're okay with spaghetti and meatballs, and I was like, score, they're like, and they would go into a room and put up a pack and play or kind of put effort into that area of the hospitality. Because, as a new mom and I love like a fancy brunch and all of those nice things. But those things were so important to me just to feel seen, because during that phase I just didn't care about things being fancy and Pinterest worthy at all.
Speaker 2:I was just worried about going into somebody else's house. Is my kid going to like have a stinky diaper in front of everybody? Are they going to cry the whole time? Like that's what I was worried about. And just being able to come in and saying, hey, here's a place for them to sleep, here's a place for you to sit, here's some privacy. Hey, I have baggies for diapers, no worries. Like it's just like going into it that way and saying, how would you like to do things? Here are the tools that I have readily available to help you do this.
Speaker 1:Well, that's everyday hospitality in a nutshell. You know, that's. That's, I think, what so many new moms souls crave. Yeah, wow, yeah. So much intentionality and this isn't, I'm sorry. Go ahead, you go first, I'll go after.
Speaker 2:No, I think I actually was just taking deep breath.
Speaker 1:You go ahead oh yeah, good, this is something that I know is not possible for every gathering with a mom and a baby, but I also want to encourage moms that are getting together to make sure that there's an element of the gathering that is life-giving for you too. And so much of what I was doing for a season was kid-centered I mean rightfully, so I stay home with Wesley. It was always crafts and playtime and parks, and I remember saying to a friend at one point I was like you know what I really need to do this week? I need to go walk through a beautiful garden because, instead of a park, my soul needs that, like my mama soul needs that. Or, instead of doing a sensory bin with the kids, this week, could we do a grownup craft, like could we do a mom craft when the kids sleep, because I need that and I found and again, this is healthy, this is natural, it's normal like to focus on the kids in that phase. Don't lose yourself in the gathering.
Speaker 2:Make sure, make sure there are things planned that are soul giving, life giving for you too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I couldn't agree with that more as a very girly girl who was given two boys and and that's okay, and I've made peace with the fact that I didn't ever have a daughter. I have nieces, by the way, who I love dearly but especially when my boys were in the just little toddler dump truck train, that's all they wanted to play with and they wanted me to sit with them and play dump trucks and trains all day long when I was with friends. I didn't want to sit and play with trains and dump trucks and that didn't make me a bad mom, but I wanted with friends. I didn't want to sit and play with trains and dump trucks and that didn't make me a bad mom, but I wanted to. Just, I love gardening, so I wanted to go walk through a pretty garden. I wanted to go I don't know see something artistic, because I see myself as an artist and a creative as well. Or I wanted to talk about something that wasn't what they were talking about, or only talk about our kids, and I think that is really important.
Speaker 2:Our kids need to learn early on that we would do anything for them, but they are not the center of the universe. They're not. We love them and they're very important. They're the most important thing to us in many ways, but it's good for them to learn that mom loves me so much, but she also does some things for herself too, and when they see that early on, then they mimic it when they're older and so we want to model for boys and girls, by the way, that like, hey, mommy loves you, but like I, I'm a or was a, dancer and I love going to like a grownup, like adult fitness class, and just being able to like I still do like a ballet fitness class and I do those things and did those things early on because they bring me a lot of joy.
Speaker 2:I would come home boys would be like hey, where were you tonight, mommy? Well, mommy had her once a night like dance class, like cool, and it is important early on. I just love what you said about like can we do a craft that's not for the kids but for us, or can we, you know, go take a skill pop class on, like flower arranging or whatever it might be, but making sure that your needs and your identity has been met is so important here.
Speaker 1:We are the same person in so many ways. I love that as you're talking, I'm like, oh my gosh, me too.
Speaker 2:You're a boy, mom. How old is Wesley at this point?
Speaker 1:He is a few weeks shy of two and I know and he is coming to life. This is my favorite phase so far and I'm actually loving the adventure. But just the other night I was like Colby, I need my hair not to get pulled for 25 minutes. That's what I need right now Because he plays rough. He plays rough and it is bringing out a really sweet sense of adventure in me, like the rock skipping and sand, all that stuff. But yeah, I need little bits of Katie to come out to you. I just texted friends earlier. I was like Megan Markle's new season of her show comes out in two weeks. Are we having a party?
Speaker 2:A hundred percent, that's a genius one to get together for one to get together for.
Speaker 1:So that's what we're doing. Well, I'm looking at the clock and I have another guest to welcome, which I'm excited to go to that conversation. Sadly, this one. But is there anything else in the plan that you're like? I really want every mom to have this in mind.
Speaker 2:I think the thing that I want all moms to hear is you know, at the end of the day, at the top of this plan, my heart is that moms will believe that they're good moms. And I like to say this to everybody that I spent years as doing social work in home therapy in very, very rough parts of town. And I don't say this this is not about poverty. I grew up in a single wide trailer. There's no shame in it, but it's. This is not about poverty and I never want this to sound how to carry any judgment, but I grew up or I let me say this again After I went through graduate school, I worked many jobs where I had to deal with DSS and people that were losing custody of their children and would have to go to moms that were doing hard drugs while they were pregnant knowingly and they were making poor decisions for their children and they were sending their kids to school hungry and dirty.
Speaker 2:And I have worked with deep breath, bad moms. I've worked. It's been a long time, but I've worked and sat across from bad moms and the thing that really that God has brought to me that I wish every mom would hear is that working with bad moms and sitting across from them and waiting for them to be concerned. Bad moms sleep great at night. They are light as a feather. Bad moms do not worry about being bad moms. Good moms do that.
Speaker 2:So the nature of listening to this podcast, the nature of cleaning your toddler's room, of saying, oh, I shouldn't have yelled at him, let me take 10 deep breaths next time the nature of picking up my book, probably means you're on the track to being a pretty good mom. And so, while all moms make mistakes, you're not a bad mom, and the nature of the fact that you are trying is exactly where you're supposed to be. And nothing good comes from believing that you're bad at your job. You're very, very good at it. There's always room for improvement, but just remember that bad moms, they're good with their choices. They sleep great at night. Bad moms don't worry about being bad moms. Good moms do that.
Speaker 1:Man well, I see this as a start of a friendship. So I know this will not be people's last time seeing your listeners last time, but thank you so much, rachel. This was so rich, and just for fun. We end each of our conversations with the same three questions, and I'd love to hear your answers as well. The first one is something that you have eaten recently and loved. Oh, I love that one.
Speaker 2:Oh, let's see what was something that I had recently. Let's see what was something that I had recently, anything. Oh, like I made a homemade Caesar salad and like homemade Caesar dressing and it was obviously I don't do the anchovies or anything like that, but it was just life-giving. I just love a good like chopped salad and so it's so funny, and I had like the shaved Parmesan and it just, it was just special. Yeah, I hit the spot and I didn't think I'd say a salad, but you know, that is something I was, cause I had it last night. So, yes, that's something.
Speaker 1:This is totally that like girl dinner trend, but I am totally bought in. Have you ever had a Caesar salad with sweet potato fries? No, oh my gosh, it's life-changing, it's going down tonight?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what do you dip the sweet potato fries in? Honestly?
Speaker 1:I just make sure that they're a salty sweet potato fry and I just enjoy them on the side like that. Nice oh man, that's a girl dinner, I was catering a like a women's retreat and I was able to come up with the menu and I proposed that for like a lunch and the host was like oh, I don't know how I feel about that. I was like you got to trust me. It was like the favorite meal.
Speaker 2:Awesome.
Speaker 1:Caesar salad, sweet potato fries. It was so comforting, oh yum. I know Well the next one. I feel like I've switched this one recently. Let's do this one Something you found to be beautiful lately.
Speaker 2:I have been looking for moments where you know my boys they fight a lot. But moments when I look at one of my boys and they care for the other one and where they're worried about the other one, even if they're irritated, where maybe they didn't have a good day, and I look at my little one and he's looking at his brother like, oh, like. I'm looking for that beautiful empathy that that's that's why we're doing this job is like those moments of like we want kind human beings, right, like that's the goal. Kind good human beings, cause this isn't about us. It's hard but it's not about us.
Speaker 2:And just looking for those little moments of like you stub your toe and even even like older babies will look at you. I'm sure you're still gonna be like, oh, is mama? Okay, those moments have been. I've been thinking about that. The last few days have been really what's been bringing me? That? Like dopamine, hit of like, oh my gosh, look, look at what's happening. Look at this child. That will not be perfect and he will have his struggles, but look at the kindness that's there. Is is one of the most precious and beautiful things I've seen.
Speaker 1:Man, that's a sweet mama response. Well, last but not least, something you've discovered recently that you think everyone should know about a random Amazon purchase, a kitchen gadget, anything, do you have one?
Speaker 2:Hmm, let's see a random. Okay, so I do love to cook and so I will say I need to be sponsored for this. Um, I recently got my air fryer broke and I'm I'm a big air fryer person. I use it a lot. I have two boys who eat more than me and they do. It's shocking, and I can eat. But and then I got the double sided air fryer from Costco for Mother's Day.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's what I wanted and it cooks like my original one was like a four or five quart and this one, both sides, will cook like cook a whole chicken if you want it to. So I can do like a chicken and sweet potato fries. On the other side it has, when I it's silly to say it's changed my life. People are like that's really what you wanted for Mother's Day. I'm like a hundred percent. It makes my fries so crispy and you can do different temperatures on each side. I'm telling you, a double-sided air fryer. It's worth the counter space and I'm a girl I don't like a ton of stuff on my counters, but that is that, my kitchen aid. There's certain things that live on my counter and that's one of them.
Speaker 1:So funny I actually have that and I've shared it before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:I love it. Same person, oh my gosh, we are. I love it, oh my gosh. Well, my friend, this is just the start of a new friendship and I know I will see you again and our listeners will too. I will attach all the links to your socials in the show notes and the link to buy your book. And be sure to chime in, guys with your feedback and questions on the post. Don't be a stranger, and we will see you next week. Thank you so much, rachel. Thank you, okay.